I'm broken. That's always been pretty clear, but lately it's like my mind is floating in the ocean.
People talk to me, interact with me, but I hear nothing...I feel nothing.
I think I'm done for . I just feel nothing, my mind has been hanging on the brink for so long... I think I fell off. I'm not sure when or what cause this string of events, buts it's over. I'm over.
I can't laugh. Or smile. I can't find the beauty in the sky or peace in the rain.
I pretend, sure I do. I smile when appropriate. I tell morbid jokes like my mind hasn't snapped like a twig in the wind .
But if the could feel this deep hollowed out pit I feel sitting in the centre of my being, the weights weighing me down so low my back aches and my mind has given up thought.
It's over. I'm broken. I think I'm down.
I'm not even human anymore. I don't talk to people, not even the people I want to.
My brain no longer processes time in days or weeks, instead I live minute by minute, not dealing with any others thoughts. I can't anymore,my brain is dead and gone now.
I think my brains been locked away deep, deep in my subconscious. Probably to protect me in some last ditch attempt to save what's left. But it won't work. There isn't much of me to save.
I go from emotion-less to emotion-full at the snack of my deeply constructed fake front. I smile and act as if I'm okay.
But I'm not.
Today I looked in the mirror and got so angry at the person looking back.
I hate her
I slapped her around alittle before muttering venomous hateful words only to take a deep breath and pretend it's all fine in the end.
I think I'm lost now . I don't want to cry for help. Or scream for salvation.
I want it done and gone.
But I'm scared,i know I know,I said I feel nothing. Well nothing besides this intense anxiety that creeps into my bones and shivers down my spine. It twists and squirms into every crack and pulse it finds, Deeping and growing.
I'm so scared all the time. Scared of myself.
Anxious that Tommorow will come
Scared I'll turn out exactly how I predict.
Scared of the dead eyed girl that states back into the mirror.
I'm scared.
I'm broken and I'm not fine.
