Forever and Always

nineteen

I'm wishing I didn't wake up this morning. I did fall asleep last night during the movie but I knew that I wouldn't have a good day today.

Today would probably be the worst day of my life. I'm behind in Spanish and it's my moms death anniversary.

Now, you may ask, 'Elliot, call your dad." And then I will respond with.

No, you stupid bitch I don't want to talk to him.

I do not enjoy my fathers company and would prefer him to not bother me. However, Atlas has replaced my father in the pestering business. He wouldn't leave me alone while he was changing to get breakfast.

"Atlas, leave. Leave before I find something very large and throw it at your head," I threatened from under my blankets.

I heard the door open and then close without another word from him.

Finally, I felt I was allowed to cry.

I will be ranting now, so prepare yourself. My mom is dead. She is gone and won't come back. She's died 3 years ago and there was nothing I could've done to stop it but I wish there was. I wish I was the dead one. Wait, no. She would've been broken. I was that woman's pride and joy.

It's not that I felt like I wasn't allowed to cry in the presence of other people. I just never did. It was a rare occurrence and I'm pretty sure my dad was one of the only living people to have ever seen me cry.

I just didn't like showing my emotions in front of the people I cared about. I had always been a little shit child who wasn't really sad because she got everything. My everything left 3 years ago today. She left in a freak accident that I'll never know anything about.

That was my acceptance speech. I tell myself one quite often just so I can remember that she isn't alive anymore. Or I'll end up calling and texting, questioning why she won't answer.

My day will be spent in this room, eating my weight in junk food, and going on Pinterest.

Welcome to my own little hell, personally narrated by me. Elliot Morgan.

"You fucking stupid piece of fuck. Get away from my dorm." I heard a make voice say from outside my door.

"I can do what I want. Elliot and I are friends," another male voice comes in.

"Leave her the fuck alone. Not happening, Charlie," turns out Atlas is the male and so is Charlie. I hadn't spoken to him since our date so I have no clue why he decided to come to my dorm. Today of all days.

I get out of my bed and make my way towards that door, increasing the sound of their voices.

I slowly open the door, making the two guys gazes snap up at me. Atlas sighs, leaning against the wall and Charlie smiles at me.

"Um, so I'm trying to sleep. If y'all could quiet down?" I say timidly. Normally I'm not at all timid. Today is just not a day to be confident.

"See? I told you she doesn't want to talk right now," Atlas defends himself and me. Thankfully, Charlie scoffs and walks away.

"Thanks. For making him leave," I whisper while looking at the ground.

"Yeah, of course. Anyway, gotta head to class. Bye," he walks off after I give a small wave in return.

Heading back into the room, a cry breaks free from my throat. I cried for around 2 hours before I decided wallowing in my self pity was a shit way to spend my day. I then got myself ice cream, ran back to my room, and watched Criminal Minds for another 3 hours. Five hours of that day were spent doing the most unproductive things ever.