Nightmarish

Memories

Lola Lita's old things are still here after a year since her death. Her books, clothes even her wedding gown is displayed. Looking around I can say that it's huge. The biggest room in the whole house. Since it's the master bedroom, that my grandparents used when they're starting a family. I can also see lola's old paintings of roses, sceneries and our portraits when we were little, different manuscripts that are so fragile to touch, her old typewriter dating the 80's and a notebook on the other side of the room without any trace of dust. I try to familiarize with the place since I'll be here for a couple of days.

I moved around from corner to corner. Trying to remember the times I've been here, but nothing occurred in my brain. I also saw the chair that I've seen from my dream. As if it's asking me to sit.

Sitting from there, I could clearly see the magnificent tree my lola loves to look at when I was little. Spending most of her time with a book and a cup of green tea. Its trunk beautifully pressed against the earth and its leaves evenly spread everywhere. Before being engrossed with it, I stood up and went to my bed. Just like what Kuya Hans said it is tidy for my use. No trace of dust on the bed and furniture, which I think they clean every day. This makes me wonder how lola has kepr thsee things as if they are never being touched and never been out of date. Especially her wedding gown.
Yes, her wedding gown. I stood up, went to where it is standing. Touching its fine details of roses and beads. Suddenly a memory of the six-year old me came rushing. I can see my six years old self standing with lola Lita in front of her wedding gown.

“lola, why do you keep your wedding gown?”

“hmmm, it's for you my darling. So when you grow up. And become a fine lady, you'll have something from me like an heirloom.”

“lola, lola, what's an heirloom?”

“my intelligent apo. Hahaha. Always curious and always asking questions. Hmmm, an heirloom is something given to someone by the oldest member of the family to be given to the next generation.”

“ahhh, lola when I grow up I wanna be just like you.”

“that would be hard my apo, hahaha. Just be who you want to be that's my dream for you. Create your own destiny. Never place yourself to someone else's shoes.”

“lola don't be sad (carefully touching her aged face). Promise (lifting my right hand in the form of pledge), I'll be someone I dream to be.”

Why do memories came rushing back? The memories I thought I lost from the years that went by.

Why all of a sudden.
I'm confused of what's happening to my head.
“arghhh”

I shouted to the top of my lungs.

My head hurts so much. I could hear some voices but I can't open my eyes. They're calling out my name but I cannot respond. I wanted to scream to get their attention but there's no voice coming out. Those voices are familiar asking me what's wrong but I can't respond. All I know is my head hurts so bad. And I fell as sleep.
When I woke up, everything that surrounds me is white.

“hello, is there anyone here?”

But it just bounced back at me. Echoing from the depth of this room to the very place I'm standing. I can't see where it will take me if I walk. All I see is smoke, white smoke from everywhere I look.

“hello?”

I tried to asked again, but it just echoed.

“nanay! Tatay! Lily! Kuya Jake! Kuya Hans! Kuya Franc! Tito Rommy? Where are you guys?”

I called as I continue to walk. But no matter how far I go seems like I never moved at all.

“Janice?”

A familiar voice, of the person I long to be with. The person I really missed. The person I dreamt of being with me forever.

“lo---lola? Where are you? Please---please I need you! Lola?”

I called for her, crying.

“Oh,my beautiful apo. My sweet sweet Janice”

And as I turned around and there I can clearly see her once again. Wearing her favorite dress. I rushed to hug her. But I just pass through her.

“lola… I missed you! Why can't I hug you?”
Oblivious of everything happening around us. I cried.
“my child, you shouldn’t be here. It isn’t your time yet.”
“but lola…”
“hush. Now… sweet cake. When the time is right everything will unfold before your eyes. Now, now my dear you have to wake up.”

She holds my face, drying my tears. But her hands are cold. But I don't care. All I want is to hold her close to me and never let her go.

“lola, can I ask you one question?”
Sobbing.
“hmmmm?”
While repeatedly stoking my hair.

“why--- why so early? You haven’t fulfilled our promise yet. But you leaved me”
She seemed pretty shocked by what I said.
I know that this is just a dream but she's here, I can feel her.

“how… ahhem, how did you remember?”

I just shrugged my shoulder. Her forehead wrinkled.

“so he's on the move (almost whispering to herself but I somewhat heard her) … My beautiful Janice no matter what you'll learn. No matter what you'll hear. And no matter who you see. Always remember that you are needed by your family. That you are loved and treasured. You are my precious little one. My living legacy. I'll fulfill my promise, in the right time but not for now, at this moment you have to wake up, my baby. Wake up now. Remember that lola loves you so much.”

She kissed my cheeks, but as soon she removed her lips on my cheeks. Slowly she vanished in thin air.

“lola!!!”