Nightmarish

Dream

As if waking me up. But I can't clearly hear who it is. But then, I felt some soft and gentle taps on my shoulders. Whispering gentle words, so gentle that it soothes the soul.

"Janice, darling wake up. You're having a nightmare. Janice" softly encouraged by the voice I heard.

When I finally gain the courage to open my eyes, I was greeted by my mother's calm face and tantalizing set of orbs. I can't help it but smiled. I'm saved, I'm home. I thought to myself.

"nanay?"

Still unsure if this is the realityb and in awe of what just happened. But I'm hoping that it is, the reality I grew up with.

"anak, why? Is there something wrong? Tell me." caressing my face, full of gentelness.

After hearing her voice, I never expected this but I teared up. All the tears I'm holding before suddenly burst. Unable to stop the tears. I hugged her tight still sobbing. I can't find the right set of words to say to her. I'm dumbfounded by what just happened earlier.

"Hush now, it's ok, my baby. You're awake already."

She said while stroking every strand of my shoulder length hair. Kissing my forehead and wiping all the tears I shed.

"I---... I thought... you left me. Nanay I'm scared. I dreamed that you and tatay and Lilian and the chickens all leaved me all alone. I'm scared nanay, I'm scared" I cried, she laughed a little hearing me utter those words. And just like a child who have been found after being lost at the mall. I was relieved and I found comfort with my mother's warm embrace and sweet voice.
It's just a nightmare, but how come it's surreal.
"Don't worry,"

Cupping my face to look into my eyes.

"we will never do that. Come now anak, Lilian and your tatay are waiting for us at the table. Don't you remember that we'll be going home to San Pedro for your Lola Lita's 1st death anniversary. Come now, Janice darling prepare yourself."

I just nodded. After that heart melting encounter with my mother. I do what she told me. Suddenly memories of that dreadful day when my favorite grandmother died no one really knows the reason why. Exactly a year from now. My tatay said that maybe due to old age, but she's not that old. She's only 63 when she died.
"I'll follow you nanay, in a moment."

She smiled at me while pinching and kissing the tip of my nose. She had that habit pinching our noses. Then saying

"God, how come you've grown so big. I missed your chubby little cheeks way back then."

And she leaved my room. As soon as she closed the door I stood up. Grab a white t-shirt, some under garments and my black shorts. And went straight to the shower.
"Janice"
"Janice"
"Janice"
That's the voice again. I really feel someone looking at me. But I can't see who.

"stop bothering me please." I whispered almost in tears.

"Janice, come with me. Be my queen."
"I'm not hearing anything."
"I'm not hearing anything."

I tried to convince myself. A couple of continuous chanting of those words. Then voice suddenly disappeared. I smiled to myself, I succeed. After I finished taking a bath I went straight down to the kitchen. Finding my family there. All smiling and waiting for my arrival.
"ate, what took you so long. Nanay said that you had a very bad dream. Is it true ate? What is it ate?" asked my adorable little sister.
I only smiled at her and sat beside her.

"Continue eating Lily. I'll tell you later." I whispered, enough for her to hear my voice.
"Promise?" she whispered back.

I nodded. She seemed happy with my answer so she continued eating her food. Right after we finished eating, tatay asked us to fetch our things from the house and put it inside the van, that we'll be using for this long trip. From our small town Ordovilla to San Pedro, it will be a half a day drive depending on the traffic along the road.
"are we all set, mahal?" I find it sweet, that my parents still call each other with their endearment, mahal.
"Yes, mahal. We're all set." My mother replied.

And our long journey begins back to the place I long to be.