Hate to love you

Chapter 9

You didn’t know what you expected.

You were realistic enough to know that things weren’t going to magically be okay between you and Bucky. You weren’t going to forget everything that was said and especially unsaid between you two in favor of starting a completely new life. But at the same time you also hadn’t anticipated just how awkward things were going to be.

Your father was a little hesitant when you said you wanted to give the marriage a try, but he agreed nonetheless, with the reassurance that you could come back anytime you wanted. So it wasn’t anyone else that was the problem. It was you.

“You know things aren’t going to just do a complete 180,” you spoke up, making Bucky turn from the stove. His face was slightly flushed because of the heat, but he seemed calm otherwise. His hair was pulled back from his face into a tiny bun, eyes trained on you.

He nodded slightly, straightening. “I know that. And I’m not expecting them to.”

You shuffled where you stood, in the kitchen doorway, before hesitantly moving inside. You and Bucky had come back to his apartment yesterday, and both of you had a day off before you started work again. And apparently, Bucky had decided to spend the day cooking.

“When did you learn to cook?” You asked, leaning against the counter, changing the subject to try and diffuse the thick atmosphere.

Bucky smiled a bit, shrugging. “Just kept looking up recipes online and making them until I knew how to. I’m pretty good at it now, if I say so myself.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Pretty good?”

Bucky nodded, stirring the pot which you now saw had pasta swimming in white sauce. “An eight out of ten.”

A laugh burst out of you. “An eight? You didn’t even know how to boil an egg!”

Bucky grinned at you. “That’s where I started. How to boil an egg.”

You laughed again, shaking your head. “I can’t wait to taste your self-proclaimed delicious cooking.”

Bucky was still smiling, though now his eyes were trained on the food before him. “Prepare to have your taste buds blown away.”

You shook your head, pushing off the counter to go sit on a stool next to the island. You watched Bucky move around for a little bit in silence before he spoke again, back to you.

“Had to learn after you left.” He murmured. “Didn’t have you around to help me not burn down the kitchen any longer.”

You felt your heart squeeze, not replying to his words. Your lack of response made him turn to look at you.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.”

You shook your head. “You’ve already apologized a million times. And I’ve already accepted. But you can’t expect me to just forget it ever happened.”

Bucky shook his head. “I don’t. I just want you to know that I’m sorry.”

You nodded, fiddling with your hands. Bucky turned back to the stove, continuing his work.

“You really don’t remember?”

The abrupt question made Bucky still, sighing.