𝐓𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇 𝐃𝐎 𝐔𝐒 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 - 𝟏𝟖+

T W E N T Y - T H R E E

K E I R A

Moscow, Russia

Nikolai had left for Chicago without so much as a word to me, and as much as I'd wanted to ask him why he'd had to go or when he'd be back, I'd kept my urges at bay and hadn't texted him. I suppose it was because of that little beacon of hope that made me wish that he might've texted me first. Or called. Though both options were long shots, there was a tiny pang of disappointment festering roots inside my heart alongside defeat. I'd tried everything I could with him; I'd apologized, tried explaining, but he wasn't budging. I was at the end of my wits, which was why I hadn't gone to him even though I knew he had come back last night. I also remembered it was his birthday today, and I wanted to go to him, maybe even hug him if he'd let me, but seeing him came with a pain deep in the hollow pits of my soul because when he saw me, he only looked at me with his gaze full of hatred. My heart ached just thinking about him, but as always, my addiction won out. Before I even knew what I was doing, I was walking towards his office because in all the weeks I'd spent here, I'd learned that he locked himself in his office until evening unless he had business outside. With every step I took, my palms turned clammy, and I wiped my hands on my dress before knocking at the door, my fingers tightening around the door-knob.

He hadn't looked up when I'd entered, but I knew from the tension in his shoulders that he knew it was me. Closing the door behind me, I sighed as I walked closer to his desk, unsure if I was relieved that he wasn't looking at me.

"Happy birthday, Niko," I whispered, and I didn't know what I was expecting, but I was certain it wasn't a grunt from him. "What?" I found myself speaking as irritation took hold of me.

Nikolai moved his eyes from the screen and faced me as he leaned back in his seat, his body language casual, "One would think eight years is a long time to forget,"

His words were like knives in my heart, and I swallowed, feeling suffocated by all the hatred he kept subjecting towards me when all I wanted was a chance to explain, "You seem to remember it all,"

Nikolai pushed his chair back and stood up, fixating me with his gaze as he folded his sleeves up, his forearms revealing his skin. "I wasn't the one that left."

His words were like a punch to my stomach as they stole all the air from my lungs, and in his well-heated room, I felt the coldest I'd ever felt. The sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach had swallowed me and in it was the throes of my misery; it washed over me that maybe we were too broken to be fixed and too fucked up for a fresh start. He'd never forgive me, and he'd made it clear that he would never love me again. Maybe it was time I started believing his callous words even though, at the very thought, pain seeped through my veins, and all I wanted to do was just fall.

"I can't—" My mouth fell open as I tried to get the air back into my lungs, "I can't do this anymore."

"Do what, Keira? Lie?" Nikolai was now standing right in front of me, the tips of his shows kissing the tips of mine.

Ever since I met him again, he'd been saying things just to hurt me, and my heart had enough. It was no longer enough to just let him fuck me whenever he wanted and not cuddle with him afterward or to hold his hand when we walked side by side. We'd become strangers that fucked each other and knew the parts of each other we wished we could be. I'd let him be angry. I'd let him do a lot of things, but I could no longer hold off my anger.

"I've had it with you, Nikolai!" My palms connected with his chest as I pushed against him, and he staggered back, "Am I the only liar here? You don't get to fucking judge me when you hid the same secrets as me and—"

His fingers wrapped around my wrist as he held my palm against his chest, his gaze smoldering with a fury that paralleled mine.

"I'd shut up now if I were you." If I was anyone else, the subtle threat in his words would have scared me, but I liked to think that even at his worst, he'd never do anything to seriously harm me because the love we once shared was still there. Even though it had turned into something dark because of our sins and started living off the pain, he inflicted on me. So I goaded him, wanting to just catch a glimpse of what he kept beneath the surface.