Unplugged

Entry 1: Name

Entry 1: "Name"

Saturday - Sunday, February 2-3, 2013, 11:45PM - 12:34 AM

Under my umbrella,

A walk in the rain,

Oh how the sky cries,

Oh what a shame,

Why must you look at me?

With so much disdain?

When all that I wanted,

Was for you to know my name.

***

I understand, a lot of us tolerate only a certain amount of people, but I constantly feel rejected. I never reject or ditch any of my friends, I actually make an effort to help people out and stick around.

Like there was a new girl sitting at my lunch table at the beginning of this year and I went out of my way to hang out with her, and try to get to know her. She is such a nice person, but a lot of other people just pushed her aside. A lot of people thought she was a strange emo girl, but she was just really shy. I hung out with her because I honestly don't give two shits about how popular I am in high school. Being sucessful in life, and having a good education is more important than being part of the in crowd.

But other people?

Nothing. My school always does those inspirational assemblies about how we should be kind and help out a fellow student, but to be completely honest with you, I never see any of that happen. A lot of people who get interviewed say nice things, but I never see anyone act on their words. Actions always speak louder than words.

It really hurts knowing that a lot of people these days won't even give you a chance, and will judge you beforehand, due to rumors, your appearance, or your background. It sounds so depressing, but it's true. And the truth hurts.

And it's not just people I don't know who push me away. It's people I'm friends with, and people I know.

It's like I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy of being in their presence, for unknown reasons. Maybe I don't like the same things. Maybe I don't have the same taste in clothing or music. Maybe I'm not a liar like a lot of people, and lie straight to their faces.

I don't know, but for some reason, people outwardly reject me.

Is it because I'm stupid? Is it because I can't think straight? Is it because I don't have the same ideals?

But I'll never know.

Everyone seems to ditch me for new people. Just yesterday I was in P.E. with my friend, and her witch of a friend totally kicked me out, and then gave me a dirty look and said "Sorry, we have 3 people".

And my friend just gave me the "I'm sorry" look. But I don't give a shit about that. I hate when people are too scared to say something, and apologize to you later.

It didn't end there. I was in a group with two other girls. And they were mormon girls (I have nothing against them), and they were talking about some church thing, which, of course, made me feel excluded, because I'm not mormon, and the way they were talking to each other left no room for a third wheel. They were discussing things that I didn't know about, and none of them made an effort to even include me in the conversation.

How nice are the people I know? (Sarcasm at it's greatest)

And they weren't even the "mean" girls.

A lot of people won't understand how hurt I get over things like this. I always feel unwanted, and like a third wheel. When I butt into the conversation, no one cares to acknowledge my presence. They either give me a weird look, and/or ignore me, or just flat out, keep on talking like I'm not important.

It just takes little things like these to sadden someone's mood, and make them feel unwanted. I know how much it hurts. But I still cope with it in a way that isn't harmful.

And what is that coping method?

I'm a singer, and one day, I want to prove to the world that I am important. And I'm not being a bitch when I say this, I'm being completely honest---I just can't wait to show them that I'm the better person, and rub it in their faces. That I'm the one who wins in the end.

Maybe then I won't be as useless. But then again, I would be dead to them unless they could take advantage of me through them knowing me and my fame.

"Second chances,

They don't ever matter,

Cause people never change." - Paramore, "Misery Business"

Anywho, the point of this rant is, to be that person who makes someone's day a little happier. Who knows what a little kindness can do?

My challenge for this week: Be that person who hangs out with someone who doesn't have many friends.