Soulmates ✓

17 | The Empty Crevices - Part Two

Ryan must've drifted off because when he opens his eyes, rain splatters the floor-to-ceiling windows, and the black clouds roar with thunder. The cityscape is no more sparkling with stars and veils the inside of his apartment in complete darkness. He had switched off the kitchen lights after keeping the dinner aside, letting Shay complete her nap.

He's already fading away once again, the drowsiness induced by all the whiskey he has consumed when he hears it.

Slow whimpers followed by heavy breathing and a strained humming, all too clear. Undoubtedly, it's Shay struggling with her demons even in her sleep. Does she always have nightmares? Ryan can almost picture her sobbing curled up in a vulnerable, fatal position.

When the images of her rocking back and forth in her bed appear, he covers the distance between them in a heartbeat. And he is there sitting on the floor beside her head, caressing those ugly, painful lines on her forehead. Her sobs are dying under her throat, not yet willing to let go completely, while she holds Aarav's broken bracelet to her heart.

"It's okay, Shay. It's just a dream," he whispers, but she doesn't wake up.

Ryan doesn't waste another heartbeat cradling her in his arms, holding her against his chest, and she fits perfectly on his lap. He pries her fingers off of the broken piece of his twin brother's memories. She refuses to let go at first. But when he whispers the promises to fix it up for her, she lets go. Now she's slumped against his warm body, shaking, trembling, and going tense with every clap of the thundering cloud.

Ryan isn't the only one who hates nights like this. It brings back ugly memories of the car crash for Shay, too.

"Shay. Look at me." He brushes her hair off her face, holding it in his palms, and circles the pad of his thumbs on her cold cheeks. She burrows her face against his chest as if she wants to hide inside the empty crevices of his heart and soul. Her body flexes, with each of the tremors reaching her throat but not escaping. It's as if her soul is writhing within and can't seem to exhale that pain. It hurts Ryan to see her like that.

"Okay, fine. Don't look but please let it out. Cry if you have to. Let yourself be hurt." He places a soft kiss on her forehead, mouthing against her skin to let the pain out, to fucking cry. She shakes her head and jerks away. Her fingers grip his bicep hard, bruising his skin.

"Let me go, Ry. I don't need you. Just leave me alone." Her voice comes off ragged and strained. "Take me back to my apartment."

He tips her chin up, and she doesn't open her eyes. "Shay, can you please look at me once?"

She shakes her head again in forced denial. "Every time I look at you, it reminds me of Aarav, and it hurts. All this time, I was trying to move on, and now that you're here, I can't seem to do that."

Her words crawl between his ribs and catch between the empty crevices of his heart. "I can't see you like this. You were trying to move on, but that's the point. You were trying and failing."

"What do you want me to do?" She steps away from his hold, climbing off of him, and he lets her.

"Can't you just accept the fact that we've both lost him, and you're not the only one hurting here?" He moves to stand behind her. She's got her nails claw the insides of her palm. A habit she has developed over the years to subside the pain. Pain to replace the pain.

He steps in front of her. He takes her face in his hands, forcing her to look into his eyes. She blinks at him as if struggling to look away, but his strong gaze pins her. He moves his hands to her sides and wrestles with her fingers. She doesn't let go, her strength taking him by surprise, but when he sees the angry red marks where her nails meet her flesh, he presses his forehead against her.