Soulmates ✓

21 | The Guilt You Wear

No, he can't be selfish. It isn't supposed to happen. He can't let Shay fall for himself, not when she still doesn't know the truth - the ugly truth hidden underneath his skin. Is this even real? Is she really with him? 

Shay makes a small sound and shifts closer to his body. It proves she is here, sleeping securely in his bed, her warmth against his skin and her heartbeat in sync with his. He doesn't remember how they ended snuggled up against each other on his bed, but he does recollect they had a mind-blowing kiss on his couch. A light pounding on his head confirms they had too much wine.

Ryan is close to breaking apart. He wants all of her, but every time he sees Aarav's ring on her finger and those sad, empty eyes, trying hard to fall in love again, his guilt resurfaces.

Aarav is supposed to be in my place. 

That's the only thought that runs into his mind as he kisses her or tries to give in to his heart. Shay is his soulmate. He's known this truth all his life, even when her soul was connected to someone else. Now that she is here, he wants to pick up the broken pieces of her soul and combine them with his.

But his guilt. His goddamn guilt clouds his happy song.

***

Shay wakes up alone. She rolls to her back and cranes her neck groggily to check the time. It's the devil's hour. As far as she remembers, they were drinking wine and kissing. God, that kiss was something. She has never felt such a soul-crushing connection with anybody, not even with Aarav. Her heart caves with the realization, and she throws the covers, wraps a sheet around herself, and goes in search of Ryan.

The crisp night breeze touches her exposed skin, and she pulls the sheet to cover more of her body. She finds him leaning against the balcony on his elbows, overlooking the city, wearing just his sweatpants, his skin glowing in the moonlight, looking both reachable and distant.

She needs to know what's hiding underneath his touch composure. What's devouring his soul?

Shay goes to him and leans beside him, her back resting on the cold railing, their shoulders touching.

"Tell me," she whispers to him, raw and demanding in the silence of the night, stars sparkling above their heads.

He looks at her and shoots a sad smile, one that reminds Shay of how oblivious she has been all this time not to see through this man's pain. All this while, he has been trying to hold the broken pieces of her heart together, and she never once cared to see that his heart is broken too. He brushes a piece of hair from her face and pulls the sheet to cover her exposed collarbones. "Why are you up this late, Shay? Did you have another nightmare?"

"Forget about my nightmare. Tell me about yours." She tells him.

This gets his attention, and his touch retreats. Shay can see the lines of wariness itched on his forehead, and the way he visibly avoids looking into her face confirms he wasn't expecting her to ask him about his nightmares.

"Aarav should be in my place."

"But he's not." Her brow furrows with the sudden reminder, and her head goes back slightly as he lets out a dry laugh.

"Yeah, because he's dead."

"And you're ridiculous."

Shay glares at his tight jaw. He finally looks at her with red-laced eyes. Sad, angry, and haunting eyes. "It's my fault he's not here. If I had-"

"It wasn't your fault." 

Shay has to say it. She didn't say it back then because she knew no better, but now she has the chance to release him from the guilt Ryan has been carrying for so long.