Love is Pain

Friends

TW: Starvation, smoking
January 5th
Veronica's POV

Just a great way to start off the New Year. My ex is flirting with me and I flirt back. Well, up until she posted about another girl. That hurt me a lot. I guess I was right. All the promises she made me were actually lies. But I guess I don't matter to her anymore. Looks like all the feelings she had for me are gone. Or I just never actually matter to her. So much of me wants to give up but I know I won't be able to. Not until she tells me what I need to hear. 

I need her to tell me that she's not in love. That she doesn't have feelings for me anymore. That we're never getting back together. That everything she said was just in that moment of thinking it would happen. I need her to take my hope away. Yeah, it's gonna hurt like hell but you know it's what I need to hear.

January 21st

I waited all morning for her to text me but she never did. I thought it was because she was having a busy morning and didn't have time. Then at the time she normally texts me, which is during the first hour, she didn't By the end of the class I had started losing hope. I knew a lot had changed when she had said something about not knowing something so well last night. I just knew it but once again I told myself I was just overthinking. 

Then in the middle of our second class, my phone buzzed. I looked at it and smiled when I saw her name. I clicked on the notification and started reading the message. The smile on my face slowly faded as I read it. 

Betty

B: I think we should just be friends from now on. I know I still like you but I think it'll be for the best. Do you think we could just be friends and actually stay friends this time? 

Really? In the middle of school? This couldn't have waited till after school or later tonight. I get she might've been thinking about this for a while and probably wanted to get it done and over with. But why did it have to be in the middle of class?

V: Yeah, that's fine

I said and put my phone down. For the rest of the class, I fought the tears that were threatening to fall. A few actually succeeded. But by my third class, I was numb. I didn't feel anything anymore. I wasn't sad. I was just numb. By the time I left school, I was angry. Normally what is a few-week process happens in one day. That's new. 

By the time I got home, I just ignored everything. I just went to my room and played music and got high again. I didn't eat again that night. She stopped texting me a while ago. I don't really know if I'm happy about that or not. I don't really know what I'm feeling anymore.