She Had The World [ Lgbtq+ ]

The sound of silence

Willow's POV

TW: Self hatred, Homophobia

I felt myself laying heavily on something soft. The only sound I heard were a loud ringing in my ears and my heart beating slowly in my chest. There was something warm and fuzzy laid upon me, it smelled like home. Soon enough I heard mumbling, and a door creaking. I carefully opened my eyes only to be met by a bright light. I blinked a few times, trying to get used to the light after being in darkness for so long. I was in my living room. The familiar moss green walls and all the paintings from my great grandpa on the wall. I started to remember what had happened... Eden, I thought to myself.

"Willow?", I heard a familiar voice calling my name softly. It was mom. I saw her coming into the Livingroom and sitting down on the couch, making it slightly pressed down so I tilted a small bit towards her. "How are you feeling?" she asked, holding her warm hand in mine. I looked down on our hands, then up at her to meet her worried gaze. How am I feeling? I dug inside myself to try to find any emotion. I didn't find anything, other than memories from what happened in that man's house, but no feelings.

"I know that you must be feeling a lot right now." She was wrong. "You must be so confused, and I'm so, so sorry for what happened." I heard that she tried hard to keep her voice calm, but underneath that cover was the underlying urge to cry, cry until she couldn't cry anymore.

I took a heavy breath in, "Who was that man?" I asked with a trembling voice, sitting up slightly so the blanket I had on me went down slightly. My mom was right, I was confused. Why did he do that to us? Why did he choose us of all the people in the world? Did he find fucking pleasure in HURTING US? HURTING MY MOM?

My mom looked away, her eyes were filling with water and she took a long shaky breath in until she looked at me again with red eyes. I WANT TO FUCKING KILL HIM, I WANTED TO TORTURE HIM TO DEATH, FOR HURTING MY MOM. I felt the anger bubbling inside of me. I WANTED TO HIM BURN TO DEATH, MELT UNTIL THERE WAS NOTHING LEFT OF HIM.

"He's my ex", my heart dropped to the bottom of my stomach. No, no, no, it couldn't be true. I started breathing faster, looking at her with fear in my eyes. She looked down at the floor, tears dripping down her face. My mom couldn't have been with him, there is no way in the whole fucking world. "It was when I was 19, my first relationship, I thought our relationship was normal, but it wasn't." she was determined to tell the whole truth. "It wasn't healthy, we barely saw each other, but when he did, he just used me", her voice broke and she stared tearing up once again. "I thought I would never see him again, until..." she chipped for breath between the tears and words. I didn't know what to do, I hadn't seen my mom cry that much other than on funerals. I just stared at her, trying to take in what she was telling me.

"He showed up here this morning, told me that he missed me." She paused and swallowed, like she was trying to swallow the tears and bury them deep inside of her. "I couldn't say no, I just couldn't. So, I did everything he told me. When I was at his house, something about you, my daughter, accidentally slipped out of my mouth." her voice broke and even more tears started streaming down her red face. "I..." she started. I was so angry, at everything, at him, at my mom, at this stupid world I lived in. "I'm so sorry" she choked out.

I didn't say anything, I just stared at the floor while breathing heavily. My brain tried to process what my mom just told me. But it was like every word she said had went into my ear and went out on the other side.

"I- think I'll go to my room" I stuttered out. I couldn't handle this, I needed to be alone. My mom looked up at me with sad eyes as I staggered to my feet, swaying a little. She had been crying so much, that her eyes couldn't produce any tears anymore. They were dry and red, and her cheeks had dried tears on them. I could tell that she didn't want to talk about it either, since she didn't try to stop me.