She Had The World [ Lgbtq+ ]

Everything feels so real, yet so unreal

Eden's POV

Wednesday, 16:14

Dear diary, I cried today too.

I could have done something more, I could have stopped him. Yet, I didn't. And I fucking hate myself for it. I hate my dad more though, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. You destroyed everything, I was getting a friend, a friend, and you destroyed it. I don't know what's going on anymore, I hate my life, and it's all because of you. Mom has been getting worse lately, and everyday she is killing herself more and more with her cancer-sticks. I don't want her to die, please, don't let her die. I know that she will die though, because you are a shithead god, you refuse to help me leave this rat-hole. Why did u put me on this earth, it's kinda sad how my whole entire existence has been a waste. Oh god, I feel like there's bugs crawling under my skin, they won't go away. I don't wanna exist anymore, help me get out of this place, or I'll have to do it myself. 

With a heavy thud it landed on the dark floor beside my bed. I let go of the pen in my hand who was sore from gripping it too hard while scribbling down my thoughts in the black notebook. My knuckles were red, and they hurt like hell. Trembling, I sat up in my bed, letting my feet hang over the edge. My head and thoughts were spinning, and it was hard to focus on the floor underneath my feet. I gripped the cold metal bed-frame with my left hand, who was not as sore as my right, but the cold felt like a thousand needles on the inside of my hand.

I needed to think of something else, my brain was slowly killing me. So, I sat down heavily at my desk and ripped a piece of paper from my drawing block. I stared at the blank piece of paper in front of me. I snapped my fingers, trying to find out what to draw. My head was as empty as the paper in front of me. Though my brain wasn't fully empty, she was there.

-

Her nose slowly started taking form, from every pencil-stroke her face started to come together more and more. Carefully I let my stroke curl softly to replicate her dark eyelashes. Contrasting so well with her light eyes. I tried to capture her friendliness in the drawing, the way her eyes shone up, and her subtle dimples. I drew her nose-ring and shaded it with my thumb to make it look like metal. I added some final details and put down my pencil on the cold wooden table.

Outside of my window the heavy rain poured down from the dark sky, forming puddles in our backyard. The lawn was half mud, half grass and a heavy fog laid against the ground. I stood up from my chair and walked over the cold floor to a shelf beside my bed, it was slanting, but it managed to hold some things. I took the almost empty tape roll, ripped a piece of tape from it and walked back to my desk. It looked just like her, despite being in black and white so her red hair wasn't showing. I put the piece of tape on the paper and put it on the wall. It was hard to find a good place, since most of the wallpaper was hanging loose from the wall, but I found a great spot right beside the window. Alone she hung there, contrasting with the dark yellow patterned wallpaper. When I was a kid, that wallpaper was bright yellow, but seasons have changed, nothing was the same anymore. Everything was broken, and so was I. My eyes danced over her features, and as I stared into her eyes, I came to a decision.

I quickly ripped down the drawing from the wall and got my dark brown backpack I had gotten on my 11th birthday. I took the drawing of Willow and let it fall down into the backpack. I also packed 12 dollars, a crystal my grandma gave me before she passed and a small stick from the forest who I had drawn a face on. His name was Larry the great. A black notebook whom I hid under a sweater in the backpack. On top of everything I put Teddy, I couldn't leave him all alone in this place. I closed the zipper, it was very full, so I had to push down Teddy a bit in order to close it fully.