No Good For You

XLIII

We all sat at the vip section now and Psycho sat spaced out, B was on his phone the entire time, and Megan kept feeling and kissing over Riot who just sat there.
I asked Jack to show me some of his other works so we were swiping through his phone looking at them. It's unbelievable how talented he is.

"How long did this one take?" I asked in awe. It was a very detailed foggy forest.
"Perhaps 13 hours."
"Wow. You're very patient."
"Thank you." he snickered.

"Riot, I think you should slow down. That's your fifth drink." Psycho stated.
I looked over at Riot. He just put his empty glass down then sat there with his face in his hands as Megan rubbed his back.
I watched him pick up his head and pour more into the glass.

"Riot, relax." B commanded.
Riot drank it all quickly then held his head again.

B took the bottle.

"Give it back." Riot demanded.
"No. That's enough."
"No, it isn't..."
"This shit is strong as fuck and that was your sixth glass. You can't even hold your fuckin' head up, asshole."

"Riot, I think you should drink some water..." I told him.
He looked up at me.
"Leave him alone! Worry about your own man!" Megan stated and clung closer to Riot.
"Oh my god, bitch, your boyfriend looks like he's about to slip into a coma and you're not sayin' shit to help him! Stop worryin' about me! You should've gotten up to get the water already! But all you care about is him fuckin' you and your high!"
I didn't mean to say that much.
"That's not true! You only wanna help him because you hope he'll fuck you in return. News flash, Jack! Your girlfriend is a whor-..."

Her neck was forcefully grabbed and it looked like she could barely breathe.
I looked at Riot.

"Shut. The fuck. Up. You speak without spoken to again...and I'm gonna break your fuckin' jaw. You understand me?" he told her.
She nodded.
When he let her go she coughed up a lung.

None of us spoke on it.

"We need to get out of here before he tries to order another bottle." B stated and stood up.
"I actually have to get up pretty early for an art show so..." Jack said and checked the time. "And it's 1am."
"Oh...I can ride back with the boys if you want?"
"You sure?"
"Yea, I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"Okay." he smiled and gave me a gentle kiss. "Text me when you make it home."
I nodded.

"Goodnight, all of you." Jack said after he got up.
"Bye..." they all responded hazily.
He walked off.

We all got up to leave.

I sat in the back of the car with Riot and B drove while Psycho took the front seat.

"Are you okay?" I whispered to Riot.
"No..." he answered.

I didn't know if he wanted to talk about it or not so I just rubbed his forearm.
His hand pulled back and interlocked our fingers. I looked at our holding hands.

I looked at him. He looked like he was exhausted.

"You can lay down if you want..." I permitted.
He laid down onto my lap. I'd meant my shoulder but...I wouldn't make him move either. I slipped my hand from under him and messed with his hair as he laid there with his eyes closed.

____________________________________

We arrived home and I helped Riot to his room.

He sat on his bed.
"Do you need anything before I go?" I asked him.
He grabbed onto my hand.
"What?" I wondered.
"Where are you going?"
"To my room."

He pulled me closer to him. I thought he had something to say until he wrapped his arms around me and laid his face against my stomach.

"Riot, no!" I yelled and pulled him off of me. "What is wrong with you?!"
He looked at the floor. "I'm sorry."
"Yea..." I turned around to go.

"Don't...don't leave..." he pleaded.
I turned back around and looked at him.
"Please?"

I didn't know what to say. "I don't-..."
"I won't touch you. I swear I won't. Just...lay down with me. That's all." he begged. "I won't put a finger on you."

I took a deep breath before walking over to the other side of his bed. I crawled in and laid down, we both rolled to our sides and looked at each other.
"Do you feel better?" I wondered.
He just stared at me.

...

"And-...I can't tell you that."

I'd woken up in the middle of the night from noise and realized I wasn't in my room. I looked to the side and saw Riot outside of the bed and pacing back and forth. He looked stressed out.

"I can't tell you because you'd hate me." he sighed.

I wondered what he was talking about.

He turned around and I quickly closed my eyes back and faked being asleep.

"I'm so tired of you hatin' me. You got no idea." I heard him say. "And I'm tryin'. I am. I gotta do better, I know. And I know if I told you, it'd fuck up whatever the fuck you got goin' on with that guy but...I don't even want you to be with him."
I just listened in silence.
"I want..." he stopped.

"You gotta be with me..."

It took everything in me to not sit up.

"But he fuckin'-...you laugh with him and...and he fuckin' makes you all giggly and shit. I wanna do that! I wanna know how it feel for you to just fuckin' smile at me and I wanna be all...fuckin' mushy and...and on top of each other all the fuckin' time." His voice was shaking. "And I can't do that because everything I do just pisses you off. I'm tired of makin' you mad at me...I don't want that no more, man. I've said some fucked up shit to you. And I knew it was fucked up before I even said it, that's why I said it. I was mad. Because you were going to someone else and I didn't like it. I know I shouldn't have taken that shit out on you but...I was so fuckin' pissed. I knew that I was tired of you hatin' me since before you even got with that British bastard. I wanted...I've wanted to buy you shit and take you out...I wanted us to go somewhere alone but you only left with Psycho."
Each word danced through my thoughts.
"Baby, I've wanted to hug you for so long..." he stated.

I struggled to keep my eyes closed.

"I knew I wasn't good for you. They wouldn't let me forget it. They told me every chance they got that I'd fuckin' crush you. I hated hearin' that shit. Could you imagine likin' someone and people tellin' you not to go for it because you'd fuck it up? Because you'd be the fuckin' problem? I ain't wanna hear I wasn't good enough but...I kept provin' I wasn't."
"I fuckin' suck, man..." he snickered.
"You can't be with me. But I want you to be with me. ME. Not him. Me...You weren't ever supposed to go anywhere else, man...but...I practically pushed you to someone else."

I heard him pacing again.

"Goddamni-..."
I heard a loud crash.
"FUCK!" he shouted and I shot up.

"Riot!" I called and got out of the bed.

I looked at his mirror. There was a large dent surrounded by several cracks in the center of it.
He held his hand.
I took it in both of mine.
His knuckles were bleeding.

"Why would you do that?" I asked softly and looked up at him.
He had red watery eyes and a quivering jaw as he looked me in my face.

"I fucked up..." he stated through deep breaths.