Wish you were gone

Chapter 4

It was strange.
The thing I desired the most these past two months was finally here but something in me wanted to push him away.
I felt secure.
But tears stopped rolling down my cheeks as soon as I remembered the previous event.
So now you may ask ,Did you forgive him?
No. I didn't.
But he was the only one that could help right now.
And if I am being honest, I had some doubts if he was going to come to me after all.
I saw it.
I saw the red mark on his neck but didn't say anything.
I was too disappointed in him to say anything about it.
Suddenly I pushed him away causing him to fall down due to my unexpected movement.
He looked at me and I did the same.
Our stares were different though.
He was looking at me confused and kinda worried?
Worry was on his face. But why?
Isn't he the one who lost interest in me ? In us?
Isn't he the one he cheated?

So,why is he worried now? He ruined our relationship.
"I am fine. Thank you for helping me, really. But..But cut the act already. Stop looking like a worried boyfriend. We both know you aren't . I am gonna get going." I said looking at him with disgust?
"What act y/n? I am seriously worried about you. You were chased by an unknown man whose intentions were, who knows what!"he said.
"Oh please.....you should have worried a long time ago. Only now that one of the worst scenarios has happened,you are worried?
Not this entire time when I was alone and I thought that something was going on with you.
That you were stressed out about work and probably needed time?
But no.
While I was worried sick you were out with some other girl doing ,who knows what!!!
And don't look at me with shock , I noticed your neck. I am not stupid and definitely not the one to play with Jisung!"
I was now getting angry again.

And for what? For someone who clearly doesn't care for anyone except himself.
"You know what, Jisung? I am done. I told you before. I am done! I am not going to stand here explaining my feelings to you anymore cause what's the point? You don't care anyways. So goodbye. I am too tired and still shaking from what happened,to sit here and repeat the same conversation we had just a couple of hours ago."
He was standing there looking at me not saying a word.
He didn't even try to say anything.
Didn't even move.
He was just listening to me.
But it's too late for that.
He should have been there for me when I needed him, instead of running to other women.
We stared at each other .
It was weird that this time he didn't try to explain himself with a bunch of excuses.

That's why I didn't leave immediately,as I should have.
He was standing there with his kinda messy black wet hair ,his grey sweatpants and black hoodie while water from his fresh washed hair was dripping , staining his hoodie.
He looked like he didn't care.
He looked like he left in a rush.
Did he actually care? If he did then why did he cheat?
These thoughts were running in my head since I left the apartment but I don't need any explanation cause with the way he treated me ,a second chance shouldn't go through my mind at all! Should it?
We just stood there looking right into each others eyes.
His dark brown eyes were looking at mine with such worry, regret,pain and misery and for a moment I wanted to hug him. But I promised to myself that he did wrong and I have to look at for me not him. I have to prioritize myself,not him.
But still, the feelings I have for him are too strong.
The love I hold for him is too much to handle.
After all ,he is my first big love .
But either way,he treated me horribly.

I am not sure for how long we were looking at each other but I snapped out of my thoughts and turned around and started walking away.
Then,the only touch that still brought butterflies in my stomach ,was once again against my waist.
He was now back hugging me while holding my waist supper tight and I  swear I could hear sobbs.
Was he really crying?
"I- I- I ..am so sorry..." He said while sniffing.
Now, except water ,also tears were dripping on his hoodie and on mine as well.
Tears were now forming in my eyes again.
"What are you sorry for? Huh? You think everything will be back to normal just because you apologized? Are you that immature?" I said while tears were now uncontrollably streaming down my cheeks.
"No. Of course not but I realized when you were walking away that I can't stand loosing you.... I really am sorry I-"
I gained all the strength I had left in my body and cut him off.

"No! It's too late for that Jisung! You already lost me ...."
I tried realeasing myself from his embrace but failed.
He was holding me so tight and I was so tired that I couldn't set myself free as hard as I tried to.
"I love you. I really do.. I love you so much Y/n ... So much that whenever you are around I can't even breathe properly. That whenever you cry I want to give you the whole world. So much,that when I hurt you I want to punish myself so hard that my pain will become numb.
I love you so damn much that I can't lose you. That I need to protect you even if I have to let you go.."
And with that he loosened his grip on my waist and turned me around.
Countless tears were falling from both of our eyes.
He looked at me like I was his everything.
And for a moment I thought that everything was going to be fine,that he had a good explanation for his actions and that whatever his reason was I could forgive him.
But he didn't get the chance to finish his words.

His speech was cut off by the man in black,who was now holding a huge piece of wood and aiming Jisung's head.
But he missed.
Instead,he hit mine, causing a loud noise coming from my body hitting the ground.
The last thing I remember is Jisung looking at me with huge shock and then calling my name before everything blacked out.

"Y/n!!!!!" He yelled while his voice cracked from seeing his loved one crash on the hard concrete.