Devil in Disguise (Kai Parker)

Chapter Forty: Don't Think

A hand appeared on Meg’s arm and she gasped, shuddering. Almost instinctively she started to struggle, but in her deprived state and shock, his grip was like steel. He traced designs on her arm with her finger and she fought hard against shivering. “I’ve gotta admit,” he whispered in her ear, “I was disappointed when I didn’t see you at the Boarding House. But I think I got a good bit of vengeance on Damon before you came and put a stop to it.”

“What do you want, Kai?” she asked stiffly, not entirely trusting herself to speak. Having him so close… it was severely testing her resolve.

“You chose the losing side, Meg.” he breathed. “And you know it. Even your magic seems to think you should’ve joined me, by the little cloaking spell it just did so I could see you.”

“What do you want?” she repeated.

“But you’re still with that super boring band of idiots, aren’t you? Even though they don’t trust you as far as they could throw you… scratch that, Damon could actually throw you pretty far. They just don’t trust you. They never will.”

“Do you ever just answer a question?” she asked cynically feeling that if she was about to die, she may as well go out with a spine.

He flipped her around slowly so she could face him. She held her breath as she saw him. It was his eyes. They had always made him look insane, but now... they were practically worth a padded cell.

“What I want,” he said slowly, “Is for you to stop denying what you really are, and switch sides.”

“I’m not.” came her automatic response, and he laughed.

“C’mon, Meg. You’re not a saint. You’re not a sister. You’re not a babysitter to a witch that just got her magic back. You’re not Elena’s friend, or Jeremy’s friend, or Tyler’s friend, or Caroline’s friend, or Alaric’s friend. You’re not Jo’s friend – she let you die. You’re my friend.” his eyes held hers. “You’ve always been my friend. You’ve always been on my side. Why is this time any different?”

She gritted her teeth. Honestly, she wasn’t tempted to break her promise. This was one choice she wasn’t going to go back on. But, at that moment… she couldn’t see why she made that choice. Something to do with morals? Every time she tried to remember, all she could see was his face right in front of her, offering her everything she had ever wanted. She didn’t need to be bothered by morals, or sentiment. She could be with him.

As soon as she thought that, she couldn’t help herself. She kissed him.

He seemed taken by surprise at first; he clearly hadn’t expected his speech to amount to much. But as the shock – and, indeed, everything else – faded away, he kissed her back hungrily, backing her against the wall as he did so. Meg didn’t feel the wall hit into her back or his fingers dig into her shoulder; she was lost. Several lights shattered above them, product of Kai’s magic for once, and not her’s, but she didn’t notice that either. For several moments – or it may have been minutes or hours or seconds – it was all fire, dancing from her mouth down to her toes. Then, she opened her eyes, and did notice something.

Her reflection, in a glass window. Though it was distorted by grease and darkness, she could make out her eyes, shining through a tangle of brown hair. They were wild and dark, darker than she’d ever seen them. Her lips were swollen and her hair dishevelled, as if a fierce storm had just come into the room. There was a scarlet flush to her cheeks and one arm of her plaid shirt was hanging off, revealing the black sleeve of her Nirvana T-shirt, which she had carried determinedly with her through the time change.

It was the reflection of a feral creature…

But it didn’t look like her. Not who she was meant to be.

Kai was still kissing her on the corner of her mouth, but he must have sensed her preoccupation. He stepped back, and Meg gave an ironic smile at his appearance. He looked just like her. And, for once, he looked utterly breathless.

“You’re right.” she said softly. “I am your friend. I’m not Jo’s, or any of the people you just mentiond’s friend. I am definitely not a saint, and sure as hell not a babysitter. But,” she shrugged hopelessly, “I am a sister. Or, at least, I intend to be. And I intend to make most of those people you just mentioned my friends. They seem like nice people, and lots of them don’t deserve to be persecuted by you. That’s why I’m not on your side this time.”

His eyes, darker than hers, flashed. “You’re making a mistake, Nut-Meg. And the worse thing is,” he growled, suddenly undertaken by a violent rage, “You know it. I can see it in your eyes.”

“I do.” she nodded, biting her lip so she wouldn’t cry. “Kai… I love you. So much. But I don’t agree with what you’re doing, and I have a duty to my brother. So… I can’t be on your side.”

He didn’t respond. It was like a gate shut over his eyes; his expression became unreadable. Then, something clicked back into place, and he laughed that humourless laugh. “Pretty speech, Meg. Very pretty.” And he walked away.

***

Meg entered the Boarding House feeling like a dead girl walking. She couldn’t… wouldn’t… think. If she did, it’d ruin everything.

The door opened without her touching it, and she felt the magic dissipate a little more, leaving her queasy as well as dead. It was sorry, if that was possible. Sorry for bringing her to Kai’s attention, for causing all… that. NO, she told herself harshly. Stop that.

There was the sound of mindless chatter coming from within the homely house. Meg didn’t think she’d be able to take the sarcastic commentary of Damon and the suspicious prods of Jeremy right now, so she stayed outside, wrapping her arms around herself to stave off the cold. If she was a vampire, she could turn off all these emotions at the flick of a switch. But she wasn’t a vampire, she was a witch with no bloody magic right now. Good for nothing.

A sob racked its way up her throat and she kicked at a wall, again and again and again, trying not to think of anything but the pain of her toe splintering against the wood. Her shoe tore under the pressure and her foot was met with cold air under the sock, but she didn’t stop. Every blow, however painful, was nothing compared to the eternal torture in her mind. Hell, nothing was compared to the eternal torture in her mind.

“Meg…” Jo’s voice said and Meg looked up. She was crying; she hadn’t even noticed. Jo’s eyes widened and she grasped Meg’s arm, holding her up the way they used to, back when things weren’t as complicated. Still complicated, but nowhere near the mess life was now. “Oh, god, Meg. What happened? Did he hurt you?”

She just shook her head, looking to the sky as she blinked away more tears. This was stupid and vulnerable and weakening of her. She should stop. But the more she yelled at herself to stop sobbing, the more sobs wracked through her body until she couldn’t stand up any more. Jo half-carried, half-dragged her into the house and took her upstairs. Meg heard the others ask, “What’s wrong?” but Jo just shot them a look that said, quite plainly, ‘later’.

She numbly noticed a bed quilt beneath her and she buried herself in it, hiding her scarlet face. Jo said nothing. She just stroked her hair, like a sister, and let Meg cry until it wasn’t physically possible to continue.

“I’m sorry.” Meg said hoarsely, not moving her face from where it was buried in the cushions.

“It’s not your fault.” Jo said soothingly, and Meg realised it was for more than the tears. She knew. She had probably known all along. Meg allowed herself to think it, just once, now that there were no tears left to cry.

She had fallen in love with Kai Parker.

But he hadn't fallen in love with her.