You & I... Joe Goldberg

SECRET.

I never really felt like I belonged somewhere, I felt as if I was a pawn playing in someone else's chess game. Someone else is, Jay. Although he is my ex, I feel as if I am under his control. I feel like, I will never be my old self. I rely on him too much. Its scary, honestly. However, Joe seems genuinely comforting. Sure, he's old fashion, really doesn't have a good grasp at modern tech, fashion sense is in the 1800's, but I love that about him. I really want to get to know him better, hopefully my stalking habits won't come back.

Jay comes back out, holding a new copy of his friends book.

"Hey babe, find a place for these new books. My homie needs more recognition." He says, as he hands it to me.

Babe? I really fucking hate that word. He always uses it, especially when we were dating. I told him multiple times I don't like that, yet he still uses that fucking word.

"Okay. Where would you like it?" I replied.

"Hmm... somewhere in-front of the windows, I want people to be intrigued when they walk pass them." He said.

That fucking book is just about how to fuck a whore 101. Fucking awful. The reviews are all from old horny men that haven't touched pussy for years.

"Sure." I nodded.

"Whats up with you? You were so cheeky earlier?" He said, standing closer to me.

"Oh nothing. I'm just tired." I replied, trying to dodge eye contact.

"Babe. This is a fucking job. A profession." He said as he grabbed my neck, and tilting it up. "You can sleep later, how about you come over to my place? We can have all the naps we'd like." He said as he gripped my neck tighter.

"J-jay!" I said trying to push his hand off my neck.

"Nuh-uh. We've gone through this. Be obedient." He shouted slightly.

I hate when things like this happens. I'm always fed up with his bullshit, but I could never say anything. I just want to bash this bastards head open and watch him suffer.

"mhm." I nodded, hoping he'll let go.

"Is that your answer to my question?" He said, still groping my neck.

"M-mhm." I nodded.

"Good." He said as he finally let go.

"Jay this is a fucking bookstore. Stop doing this fucking shit." I said, coughing.

"Then don't act so fucking miserable in my store. It's giving a bad vibe." He said, bawling his fist up. "Fuck this shit, just do what I said. Also, don't forget about tonight." He added on, walking away with his fist still bawled up.

He was really abusive, but I guess I found comfort in it. This is why, Joe is different. From any guy I've ever found interest in. However, Jay acted the same way Joe did when I first met him. He was a sweetheart. I wish I never seen his true side. I just know you're different, Joe.

The door bells jingled, I was hoping it was you. I hoped that you saw everything, and that you would offer to murder that motherfucker with me, but it was just my bestfeiend Callie. Callie has always been there by my side, she doesn't fuck with Jay neither. Jay has tried multiple times to get into her pants, but she isn't like me. Shes smart, aware of red flags, and pretty. Gorgeous even.

"Hi my love!" She said, running slowly towards me with her hands spread out.

"Hi my baby!!" I said, running towards her too with my hands spread apart.

"Lana." She whispered.

"What?" I giggled softly.

She placed her hand on my neck softly, and sighed of disappointment.