He's my antidepressants ; a Fezco fanfic

V: Fentanyl

TW: SA
Fez and I have been hanging out nearly everyday for the past two weeks, kissing here and there. Nothing too serious. But I have been the happiest I've been in a long time in the last two weeks.
I've been really falling for Fezco. And it scares me, due to what happened a few years back when I was 12.

5 years ago
I was at a family barbecue, playing with the boy a few years older then me. We went up to a room alone, away from the adults. At the time I had a crush on him. But I knew it was wrong, due to him being 16 and I was 12, but that didn't stop me from wanting to being around him. I followed him around everywhere. We were upstairs, sitting beside each other on the bed, when he put his hand on my thigh. I just smiled at him awkwardly. He started moving his hand up. I started getting nervous. So I just sat there. He began to kiss my neck. Now I was scared. I may have had a crush on him, but I wasn't asking for this. His started rubbing me from the outside of my leggings. I sat there. Silent. Scared. He put his hand inside my pants, and started rubbing me. I just stared straight ahead. He pulled my leggings off. Took his pants off. Forcing me to touch him. I shook my head no, so he grabbed my hair pushing me down. He pushed his penis inside me, I said no. I repeated no, that was until he put his hand over my mouth. I was crying. Not only because it hurt, but I because I was terrified. When he finished he put his pants on and told me not to tell a soul. When he left the room I burst into tears.
End of flash back
It's wasn't until I was 14 I spoke up about it. I had woke up screaming one night, my mom ran into my room trying to calm me down, but I kept repeating the same thing over and over again "please, no not again". my mom held me. She kept asking me what I didn't want to happen again. So I told her. Everything. From my crush. To me being left alone in that room crying. She was crying now too. She was holding me telling me it was going wasn't going to happen again. The next day she took me down to the police station. I had told them everything. Two days later. He, Carlos Ashel, was brought down to the station. He was 18 now. He looked different, acted different. But so did I, my life had never been the same since that day. They wanted me to talk to him, they thought it would help me. It didn't. Cause all he said was "you've filled out, I was hoping we would be able to do that again". His stupid fucking smirk while he said that. Those words have haunted me in my sleep for the past 3 years. Theres only a few people that know about it. Me, my parents, rue, him and his family. I told rue when I was fifteen. I ended up balling for hours, it was nice to tell someone other then my parents though. Rue promised me she would never let that happen ever again. And even if someone tried she would kill them with her own hands. That's when I knew rue was my soulmate. Rue would answer my phone calls at 4 am, of me crying over a nightmare I had of him. She would be on the phone with me until I fell back to sleep, and when I woke up she was still on the phone with me.  That's how I knew we were meant for each other.

But that's why I'm scared of falling in love with someone. I'm scared of them doing the same thing. Even if I trusted them with my life.

Rue and I were sitting on my bed. We were high out of minds. We decided it would be a good idea to watch videos of kids falling. That ended in us laughing so hard we were crying. Within 4 hours we were actually crying. You know, the after effects of cocaine, rue was crying over Jules not liking her back and now she'll be alone for ever. And I was crying cause  I felt bad for fez, cause I can't love him without feeling scared of him.
"We should go to Fezcos, get him to give us more drugs" rue said.
"Cmon. Get up. We're going" I said grabbing my keys and running out the front door. We drove to Fezcos house with music in the background. Sad music in particular. When we got there we knocked, and the door opened to reveal a ashtray, as we walked in fez said "no they can't be here right now, don't let them in".
"Well it's a little too late for that!" Rue said
"No you guys really can't be here right now." Fez said seriously.
"Cmon fez we just want a few OC's, then we'll be out of your hair" rue said.
"I don't got any. Now go."
"Come on fez i know you got something." Rue said impatiently. Fez looked at me with a pleading look.
"Kay. you guys really can't be here right now, I got business to do. Y'all can come back here in a few hours." He said seriously. Now, I started to think we should actually leave.
"Rue maybe we should just-" "no I came here for drugs, and I want drugs." Rue said interrupting me. "Rue hes being serious we should really leave." I said pulling on her arm.
"Fez they're here." Ash says. Now there are alarms going off in my head.
"Rue sit on the couch and chill." He looked at me "you. sit your pretty ass on the couch too. And act chill. Don't say anything. You don't wanna fuck with these guys" fez says complete seriousness. Uh now I'm fucking scared. Fez grabs a gun in between the couch cushions, yeah I'm gonna piss myself.
Not even a minute later, these two guys walk in, they looked fucking terrifying. Rue and I looked at each other, knowing we both just fucked up big time.
"Yo this your girl?" Mouse said pointing to rue.
"Nah, she's like a sister to me" fez replies back with
"What about her, she's a real gem" mouse says, referring to me.
"She's a good friend of mine" fez says. Well that hurt like a bitch.
"Mmm, well maybe I can fuck with her then" mouse says getting close to me. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. No no no not again. It's like rue can tell what's going on inside my brain
"No fuck with me." Rue says calmly. My hands begin to shake, but I had my hands together, so hopefully it's not too noticeable. Mouse and fez start doing business, but I just stare ahead. Trying to calm myself down.
"How about you guys, you ever try Fentanyl?" Mouse asks us
"No" we both say.
"Nuh they're good bruh" fez says cooly.
"Gon let big brother talk for you?" Mouse says pushing my hair behind my ear.
"I- I don't know" I stuttering. If you couldn't tell I was nervous before, you can sure as hell tell I am now, I look over at fez, not too sure of what to do.
"Don't look over at him, look at me." Mouse says, playing with my hair. I glance at mouse.
"You ever try it?" He asks, i lightly shake my head. Not knowing what to do.
"Nah bro I don't want them fucking with that shi" fez says
" you know that feeling when you come so hard you can't feel or hear shit?" He asks "you like that feeling?"
"Yeah" rue and I both reply.
"We'll shit, you gon love this" mouse says. I look up to fez, he looks stressed, and angry, I can't help but feel bad. Mouse puts a knife with fentanyl close to my face.
"Um" I gulped. "I think I'm okay." I say quietly.
"What you not trust me?" He snaps back
"Yo for real man. She's good." Fez says agitated.
"Shut the fuck up bitch. Ain't nobody talkin to you." Mouse says. My palms are sweaty, breath in and out. Repeat.
"Tell yalls big brother I ain't talkin to him right now. tell him. Shut the fuck up." "Come on, don't be scared. It's not gon bite. come on try it. Oh just try it."  Mouse says trying to pursued me into trying it. I glance up at fez. Who lightly shakes his head. I knew there was no other way out, maybe other then violence. But someone would probably die if it did come to that. So I did what I had to do, i brought my tongue to the tip of the knife and licked the fentanyl off the knife. He then put the knife back in the small baggie, bring out a little more, pushing it towards rues face. She gave me once last look before taking the fentanyl.
The next thing I know is rue and I being sprawled out across the couch. Laughing our asses off about something mouse said. After they got annoyed of us they left. Leaving us with fez and ash. As far as I know, they called jules to watch over rue. While fez drove her over to jules house, ash watched me. Checking my heart rate every 3 minutes. Making sure I wasn't overdosing. I honestly felt really terrible. When fez got back, he picked me up and took me too his bedroom. I was half asleep, when he began apologizing, and telling me how terrible he felt for not protecting me. So I put my hand on his cheek and mumbled something to him about how we're gonna be okay.