And Just A Touch of Death

Part XII

9:55 am

Winter walked through the double doors of the church, her fingernails digging into her palms as she already was fighting with herself not to cry. The church was full of people that Winter did and didn't know- classmates, teachers, and people who must have been Robin's relatives.

Winter checked her watch. The funeral would start soon. She was on time.

Robin's dark mahogany casket was open and sat at the back of the room. Bouquets of flowers and printed pictures of Robin at different stages of his life surrounded the casket. Winter's feet took her over to it without her permission.

There, in the casket, laid Robin's body. His sand colored hair was gelled back, each and every strand carefully placed on his head. His eyes were closed. No more would the world see those honey colored eyes again. His hands were placed across his stomach, and it unnerved Winter to her core how still he was. Not moving, or breathing; not a single twitch. Just stone cold and still.

He was wearing a black suit, and through the layers of body makeup, she could make out deep, dark bruises around Robin's neck.

Bruises from where he had hung himself.

The sight made Winter sick to her stomach and all she wanted to do was shake this boy awake, tell him everything would be okay, tell him the world isn't as terrible or scary as his brain had made it out to be, tell him there was hope, there was love, there was-

Someone called her name from behind. She turned. It was Micah. He was dressed in all black and had a somber expression on his face.

"Hey." He said.

Winter couldn't find her voice. She simply nodded.

There was a heavy beat of silence between the two, until-

"You know it isn't your fault, right?"

Winter sighed, Micah voicing her inner dilemma that she had been fighting with for the past week. "Yes, it is."

Micah shakes his head and puts a hand on her upper arm. "You're wrong."

"I knew he was going to die." Winter said. She kept her eyes fixated on the floor. "Looking back on all the things he had said to me that day...Micah, he couldn't have made it clearer. I should've been paying attention."

"We all should have." Micah said sternly.

Tears prickled at the corners of Winter's eyes. Her gaze wondered back over to the body in the casket; the body of a boy who just wanted to hope and to be loved. It's all anybody wants.

"I can't do this." She said. Her voice cracked.

"Winter, are you-"

She turned away from Robin's body and brushed pass Micah. She walked, pass the pews full of people talking in hushed tones, pass the front doors of the church, and pass the crowded parking lot. She walked down the sidewalk, hugging herself. She didn't realize she was crying until she felt the cold wetness on her face. She furiously wiped the tears away.

Winter soon approached the small, fenced in cemetery that belong to the church; a place where her friend's body would reside until...forever.

The hole was already dug.

Of course it was, Winter thought to herself, but it was still hard to see it there, a huge gap in the ground. It was deep, and probably freezing down there. She didn't want to imagine Robin, the brightly smiling boy with sandy hair and honey eyes, who read Pride and Prejudice for fun, who preferred Pepsi over Coke, who had a passion for history and educating children, who wished he could see his big sister more often because he missed her so much, spending all of eternity down in a hole. She couldn't- wouldn't- imagine it.