Nine Months

Chapter 12

"You don't have to do it if you're not comfortable. Don't." He said, standing at the door while she was packing her stuff.

She had her earphones on, but no song playing, she was listening to him, just didn't want him to know.

"It's okay, you don't have to conceal my faults and suffer, I'll tell her," he turned around but before he could take a step, her voice resounded in his ear.

"Stop!"

He looked back at her who was now ready to shift, "I don't want her to know."

"You don't have to do this for me!"

"I am not doing this for you. I don't want mom to suffer knowing her son can be a criminal. She loves you a lot and I love her a lot and I cannot let her go through the pain I am going through," she said on the verge of tears.

He gulped.

"The pain of feeling disgusted at the person they once loved," she whispered walking past him.

Once loved, the words resonated in his being and felt like thorns to his ears.

She hates me. I know. But it hurts. It hurts so fucking much.

She inhaled sharply before opening the door to his room. All the memories afresh were instilled in her heart. Emotions made a full assault on her feeble heart. Each corner of that room was connected to thousands of beautiful memories.

How he taught her playing the guitar on the bed. How they danced on Waka Waka like complete idiots in front of the mirror. How she once hid behind the curtains to surprise him but he thought to do the same and tried hiding behind the same curtain making both of them startle. But one memory haunted each pleasant one- she was raped here.

Her soul was ripped into tiny bits here and this was her graveyard. Survivors may have scars but victims have graves but they still live. To breathe and yet feel dead is worse than being a ghost and feel nothing at all.

She gulped all dark memories of her past tainting her present like black that can never be wiped off.

"Jungkook, please! I request you. No, I am begging you. Please leave me. Please."

"You're so cute. Begging like anything can get you out of this!"

Her abuse wasn't poetic. it was not justice or necessary. The earth left her to die and now she had no belief in karma or the gods who watched idly by as she was killed in this very room.

"Don't follow me, you are not in your senses. HELP!"

"Running doesn't matter babe. I'll hunt you down if I want to."

Maybe the rain ended but the pain resided in her bones. She is still haunted by that devastating night, and she may never heal. That 'may' had such a deep impact on herself making her void to accept any real joys.

"Its hurts! It's painful, please!"

"What do you mean it hurts? I did this out of love. I am doing this out of love!"

Honestly, she hadn't survived. Her inner self had shut itself up more and more. As though to protect itself, it has become inaccessible even to herself.

By now, her cheeks were all wet by tears of yesterday, the blood passed through each inch of her face as if in any moment it'll gush out of it, her eyes were wandering, clutching to anything positive she could find- like the picture of them by the bedside but didn't she broke it while she was attempting to break free of the demon back then?

The pillows they had pillow fights with but weren't they soaked in her tears? The mirror in front of which they imagined their future but wasn't it ghosted by a crime scene? The little table on which he wrote the song lyrics while she sat on the table itself admiring him but wasn't it a mute witness?

Jungkook approached her but on examining her deplorable condition, he was perturbed.

"Haru?" He said cautiously pulling her out of the nightmare she was in while she was awake.

She looked at him, her eyes flashed ire and anguish. She spoke in the most venomous voice she could ever make, abhorrence dropping from the tone lacing it with pain, "I hate you."

He nodded in understanding, he knew she had the right to hate him. He was abominable in his own eyes but her expressing it vocally aggrieved him.

She went in anyway with a heavy heart, left her suitcase and thwarted out of the room in a millisecond leaving him to contemplate over his sins.

That's a fitting punishment for a monster. To want something so much– to hold it in your arms– and know it beyond a doubt you will never deserve it.

•••

"Mom, what are you doing?" She asked watching the elder in the kitchen.

"Guess?" She said with a smile, whisking eggs.

"Oh my God! Chocolate cake! Eomma's special," she cooed.

"No oh my god! My daughter is such a good actress," she smiled.

"Huh?"

"What happened? Did you guys had a fight?"

Her stance became stiff, dumbfounded and confused about what to say further.

"Till when are you staying?" She asked instead.

"Looks like it's husband-wife matters. Well, I am staying for two months. I had to come to take care of you anyway."

"Stay longer," she pouted.

"Ahh... Honey, I wish I could but, you know Jungkook's dad has an important business party to attend and I have to accompany him."

"On that note, why didn't dad come?"

"You know, work is always on the top for him. He just like JUNGKOOK," she emphasized on Jungkook as she watched him come out sulking.

"Honestly, both of them are similar! In his entire life, the only thing he has done right is to find you. You are hearing it mister grumpypants?" She questioned.

"Come on guys, don't fight with each other now and help me! Here Haru, sieve this flour for me," she said, a gentle touch of affection in her tone handing her the bowl and flour.

"And Mr Grumpy Pants come here and help me whisking the eggs, my hands are hurting! Use your muscles somewhere!" She yelled.

He came in standing afar from her, stealing a few glances while she was immersed in the job given to her.

"Eomma, I don't like walnuts," she hissed.

"If you don't like something, just replace it with something," the elder responded.

If you don't like something, just replace it with something

"Mom, I remember I had to do something, I need to go bye," he quickly rushed out.

"Hey, kid! Kook! Jungkook! Ahh, he's gone already. Brat."

•••

(A/N: You know what's romantic? Not star crossed lovers, not sun and moon plotting ways for them to end together. Romantic is fighting every hindrance that comes in your path. Like, fuck the stars, I love you and I am willing to align the stars even if it means myself to burn alive. That's romantic! The efforts!)