Life Lessons [Park Jimin]

Chapter 35

Yeji

His lips are soft, just like I always imagined they would be. I raise my hands up to cup his cheeks, trembling slightly with nervousness. But when I touch his soft skin and feel him lean into me more, I let myself relax a little.

His fists tighten on the back of my shirt for a second before letting go completely. His touch instead moves to my shoulders. My heart flutters in anticipation as I wait for him to pull me in tighter, but suddenly, I'm pushed backwards, the cold air filling the new space between us.

"What are you doing?" he asks in a high pitched tone, his eyes wide and blinking rapidly.

"I- I just..." I stutter, not sure what to say. What am I doing?

"Yeji, you're- you're just a kid," he says, rubbing his lips with the back of his hand as if trying to wipe off my touch. My chest aches at the sight.

"I'm not a kid. I'm an adult now," I remind him, feeling defensive.

"Yeah, by a few hours," he scoffs, rolling his eyes.

"Well sorry, I don't get to control when I'm born!" I yell. I hate that this is coming between us. Things were going so well. I wish I could go back to 20 seconds ago and just smack myself.

"It's not just that. I'm your teacher too. Everything about this is wrong. It can never happen," he says firmly.

"Then why'd you kiss back?" I argue.

"I-" he starts, but can't seem to find an answer, so he just drags a hand across his face, before tugging on his hair.

"I like you. Like really like you. And I think you might like me too. So stop hiding behind stupid excuses. It's just us here," I tell him, trying my hardest to seem bold.

"You don't like me. You're just rebounding after Jungkook," he says.

"I only slept with Jungkook in the first place because I was trying to convince myself that I didn't like you," I tell him, feeling relieved that I can finally be honest, even if the situation sucks.

His eyes flinch in pain at my words. I think I see guilt mix in with his other emotions before he turns to look away from me.

"It doesn't matter. It can't happen. You're my student," he brings up again.

"You don't treat me like a student! I'm in your apartment... You just hugged me a minute ago! We've slept in the same bed together for fucks sake," I remind him.

This hasn't been completely one sided, has it? Have I really been delusional this whole time? No, he has to have felt something too. Too much has happened between us for him to feel nothing.

"This is my fault, I know. I'm sorry. I got carried away and let boundaries get blurred. I let myself think of you as a friend because I like spending time with you too, but even that was crossing a line. We can't be anything more," he says softly.

The fact that his voice is calmer now worries me. He's not angry or scared or shocked. He's just being his rational self, and he's still pushing me away.

"You want to be more though, I can see it," I argue weakly.

"No, I don't," he says without hesitation. But he's lying, right?

"What, so you've just been being nice to me out of pity?" I ask, the thought hurting a lot more than I had expected.

"Not pity, Yeji. Just... Like I said, we were friends," he sighs.

"Were?" I ask, catching the wording of his sentence.

He finally looks back at me, a frown tugging at his lips.