To Live

Chapter Five

Pacing back and forth across the floor, I tried to wrap my head around everything that had happened today. Somehow, over the course of less than 24 hours, the woman who had truly become my best friend throughout this crazy journey had also taken on the role of wife; my wife! I knew it was only a cover story, and I had filed it away as such when she said it, but it kept leaking out and influencing my thoughts and actions.

Something about seeing her so distraught this evening had really pulled at me. I'd been almost horrified at myself for letting that happen. For allowing my wife to be that upset. It was instinctive to immediately find a way to bring back her smile. Like I couldn't breathe until she was happy again and would have given her anything to make it so.

I had promised to help work towards finding her brother (it was only fair at this point) and she had perked up, but then Sherry had gotten upset thinking we were leaving again right away and I could almost see the 'mom' switch get flicked. She really was too good for this world. I'd never met someone with such an open and truly kind heart.

I remembered that she had spoken about her happiest memories being of dancing in that room with her family, and I had grasped at that fact like a lifeline, going to the shelf and looking for what I thought would cheer her up the most while letting her know I was here for her.

I had spotted the single towards the top of the pile and thought that the title fit for us; after all she was my best friend. Little did I know what I was really getting into with those lyrics. Even now they reverberated inside my skull and made me question everything I believed I knew.

Nor could I forget how it had felt holding her close with her head on my shoulder as we danced. It was like everything else had faded away and only the two of us existed. I found myself noticing things I never had before like how soft her hair felt against my cheek, the smell of sunlit flowers that clung to her skin, or how beautiful her eyes were when she gave me that fluid look that seemed to feed the little flame in my core.

Those eyes had drawn him in towards her without conscious thought, and her flushed lips had beckoned him further still. He could almost taste how sweet they would be when... well when reality reminded him it still existed. He had retreated as quickly as possible into the restroom to hide and try, unsuccessfully, to calm his emotions.

A cold shower and a 'what were you thinking?!' pep talk later and he had been able to wrestle his thoughts back into the box he had designated for them. The last thing they needed was his inability to keep reality separate from fantasy. "Because someone as good as her being with me would be fantasy," I thought sardonically.

He had been good through most of the rest of the evening until it came time to say goodnight to her (he'd only had one little slip up when she'd brushed away his tears with a gentle hand). He just couldn't stop comparing how their routine was that of a family; like a real live game of 'house'. He and Claire had just naturally slipped into the roles of 'dad' and 'mom'. They functioned like two halves of the same whole, caring for Sherry, and teaching her as best as they could what she would need for later in life. They were both very protective of her and wanted to give her the chance to truly be a child; surrounded by love.

When they had lived for a while in New York City, they had automatically agreed without really discussing it that Sherry was never to be left alone, and had both chosen different shifts so one of them were always available. Thinking back on all of this I realized that the line had been blurring for a while, it just wasn't until it was given a name that I started to really pay attention.

It had been very hard to keep on the 'friend' side of the line once they were alone, just the two of them, in that darkened hallway, just a foot apart... the urge to reach out for her had been nearly overwhelming, and it had been so hard to keep my eyes from dropping to her lips – watching as they formed the words she spoke, brushing softly against one other...