The Phoenix And The Albatross

Hours, Days, Months

Slowly, I became the girl in the story of the bride who couldn't stop crying, waiting for her captain to return.

He said he would never leave me. Never, he said.

But, now he's not here, walked out of my life forever.

It took me a couple of minutes to run after him, a couple of minutes to recover from my anger, my pain and my confusion and go after him.

But I lost him in those 2 of minutes.

He abandoned me and my life, forever. If he had waited for me, if he had kept his promise and hadn't left, if he had given me those two minutes to come back to my senses. I would have begged him not to leave.

I was told he sailed away for good.

I waited for hours, days, months.

I waited on the rocks that we said were cursed, on the shores that we used to walk together, on the beaches where we kissed, fished and took pictures of the two of us.

He sailed away for good. I lost him in those 2 minutes.

But I stayed. Through every argument, and problem and turn we faced. He told me to go. I stayed. His ex-girlfriend came back. I stayed, Everyone around me told me that he would leave, I said he wouldn't. I stayed with him and for him. Nothing else mattered. Whatever we went through, I couldn't think of ever leaving his side,

He said I didn't trust him. That I didn't trust the fact that he didn't burn the notebook.

When did I not believe him? The problem was he doesn't understand why I gave him my notebook. Because in it was him. Him and I. If someone was to burn it would be him or I. The diary was not worth more than him.

He said that I shouldn't have let him go then. I should've told him to stay with me.

10 minutes.

I called him 10 minutes after he left the hospital doors. To apologize. To tell him that I was confused, saddened, I was being stupid. I called to say that I couldn't talk calmly. My brain was scrambled and I couldn't gather my thoughts at the time and I was sorry.

But his phone was off - disconnected,

Was this his Love? A Love where I didn't even have the right to make a 10 minute mistake.

Every night, for months, when I went to sleep, I asked myself the same question: "What did I do wrong?" "What mistake did I make?"

I kept coming back to the day he left. Time and space are lost. Only him and his words remain. Did I let him slip through my fingers. Did he decide to leave. I wrote 1001 scenarios, each of them different.

I asked him to leave. He left.

I asked him to stay. He left.

I didn't trust him. He left

I trusted him. He left.

He left and left nothing behind him. Like a poem that remains unfinished.

He's my other half. The fire in my heart, the question in my mind. The butterfly in my stomach.

How can you be chained to the place that doesn't want you. That doesn't belong to you and leaves after a unresolved 10 minute mistake,

Chained with such a link that you can never give up.