Cocaine for Breakfast

chapter 19

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  They say love is all you need. They say time heals all wounds. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Well, whoever " they " are, clearly they are fucking lying. Louis isn't all too astonished by that fact. It just confirmed that you shouldn't believe everything so-called wise people say, because they're just that: people. And a lot of people are liars. Humanity, seriously.

Harry articulates how much he loves Louis every single time he gets a chance: in passing, under the covers in the morning, late at night when the moon is their only witness, when their friends are with them and Harry and Louis are snuggled close. And if the fact that wise people lie leaves Louis cold, the fact that Harry truly loves him makes Louis hide his smile in the neckline of his tee and murmur the words back with a fluttering heart and rosy cheeks. However, it's kind of sad that the words alone don't heal his deep bruised scars. They mollify, sure, but there is no all-curing magic sparkling in his veins that lets him become a superhuman immune to the ache, the craving, and the sadness.

Not after a couple of days, not a week later, or even two weeks spent in their exquisite little love bubble.

Of course, that doesn't count for his visible wounds that were carved in his skin. They healed a while ago, after unnecessary visits to the hospital and careful nursing from Lottie. His jaw is free from all those yellow, purple, and red colours. He, thankfully, got rid of the ugly white bandage that covered most of his throat and it doesn't hurt anymore when he swallows. Though like Belle foretold, the knife left a scar, which Harry kisses every night before they go to bed. Louis' ribs are better too, don't sting with each breath he takes, which is a good thing, brilliant, top-notch.

The wounds Louis is going on about are deeper, probably just as deep as his love for Harry. But all the love, all the time that passes doesn't make for the nightmares, panic attacks, and paranoid thoughts to go away. With everything that's going on, Louis hasn't thought much about going to university anymore. It's all a tad too much at the moment with Louis suffering at night, during the day, when he's surrounded by his most adored people in the whole wide world and when he's alone by himself.

Harry's admission about wanting to quit the dealing was also put on hold. He is back to selling drugs, couldn't hide out any longer and is more out than by Louis' side most of the time. It's sad, but they knew it would happen eventually no matter what they want for themselves. You can't nap away your problems like they tried in the past or hide out in a safe space. It just doesn't work. So reality caught up too quickly and Harry is on the streets again, bandana in place, packets of drugs hidden in his backpack. His work phone is turned on and buzzing all the goddamn time, it's driving them both nuts.

So yeah, being alone by himself is the worst, to be honest. Louis hates it more than ever before. The moment Harry's left with a last spoken ' I love you, ' Louis becomes paranoid: What if Hawk is going to try something again? What if someone breaks into the house, while Louis is in the shower or the garden? What if Hawk is going after Harry this time around and Louis isn't there to protect his boy? What if someone else is going to hurt Harry? What if someone is hiding somewhere in this house and waited until Harry left so he could beat Louis up? What if...What if...What if...

What if...

Needless to say, Louis' instincts are aggravated and  aflame. He's ready to fight, run, or freeze, and every noise in the house makes him jump to his feet with a wild pounding heart and a layer of cold sweat on his skin. He can't watch telly, because if he did, he wouldn't hear anything, the laughter of the characters would drone out every other sound out and that just doesn't work for him. He can't take a nap, because it'd leave him vulnerable - he tried it and literally slept with one eye open, which wasn't really sleeping at all. He can't shower, because have you seen all those horror movies? All the people get murdered in the bloody shower. He doesn't want to die whilst being naked. Thanks, but no.