alone

chapter four

we walked out to the car and john put the bag in his car. then he walked over and opened the passenger side door for me.
"such a gentleman i tell you," i said starting to smile.
"yeah, yeah," he said beginning to laugh.
he shut the door and walked over to his driver side door. he slightly opened the door, got in, then re-shut the door. he stuck the keys in the ignition and started the car. he put the car in reverse and pulled out of my driveway. he looked over at me as we got to a main road.
"why are you so beautiful?" he asked me.
"umm, are we talking about the same person?" i asked looking curiously.
"yes. we're both talking about the girl who got her emotions messed with for as long as she could remember, but still managed to be strong through it all. the one who i can call my bestfriend. the one who's there with me through my rise and falls. my ride or die. the girl who i can one day call mine," he said while going slower looking for his house in the dark.
"john?" i asked.
"yes?" he replied.
"why do you love me so much? i mess up your life. you could have so much more. you would be so much better without me. you could find another girl who makes you feel better. but you stay with me. why?" i ask when tears start coming to my eyes.
"i've never met a girl that made me feel anywhere near what you make me feel. there is no girl better than you. i love you with all i have in me. you think i can do better off without you? well you're wrong. i have nothing without you," he said looking at my eyes watering.
"why are you crying?" he asked in a worried tone.
"because. i don't deserve you. i don't deserve someone who treats me the way you do. almost any other girl in the world deserves you. not me. i'm a charity case that deserves nothing. john, you could be so much happier with any other girl. i'm not the girl you deserve to be with," i said beginning to cry.
"but you see, i don't want any other girls. i only want you," he said looking into my eyes.