Dear Farmer,
I know you don't want to speak to me right now, but this place in Zuzu is having me write letters to people who we think we've wronged in our addictions. Ever since you've been in Pelican town you've had this energy around you. Like, healing or pleasantness, or security. A non judgemental feeling. You are all of the things I cannot be. Kind, nurturing, patient, smart, and a billion other things I can only dream of being described as. I'm sorry that I left it off like I did. It was selfish and childish and I never did it to hurt you. The truth is, I care about you. I always have. I probably always will.
All of those things I said were true. You are the most magnificent person I've always met. Inside and out. Every time I look into your eyes I feel warm and safe. I think I've spent my entire life floating, never truly feeling ground, until I saw your eyes. And then suddenly... gravity. I feel attached and I guess that's why I was a jerk. I'm afraid of a lot of things. Spiders, the dark, but they don't scare me in comparison to losing you. I can handle getting rejected, I'm a big boy, but I can't handle being without you. I'm also afraid of giving myself to you and you not liking it. I know that sounds bad but I'm working on it, I promise. I never wanna spend another day with you mad at me. I've done that enough. So please, when I come back, can we just talk.
In Zuzu city all I see are buildings, there are almost no stars. I never thought I'd miss Pelican town. I spent almost everyday there wanting to leave but now that I'm gone all I can think about is going back. All I look forward to everyday is hearing your voice again. Please don't let me forget your voice. I guess you're worth returning for. You're worth getting sober for. I'd give it all up 100x just for a chance to see you again. Maybe I'm getting too bold. I wish I could take it all back. But now it's out I can't stop. I don't want you to love me cause I'm the first who asked or you feel bad. I want you to love me cause you see something with me. Something, That's what you called it right? That's very general.
The future is a mystery, but I know I want to spend everyday with you. I want everyday to be the best of my life because you're in it. I want forever with you. You are the good in my life. I know I say a lot about what I want. I can't wait to hear about what you want. I've never craved attention until I got yours. With a heart like yours, you deserve a lot better than me. You deserve the world. I promise you that I will spend everyday trying to give it to you. It terrifies me what I'd do for you. Whatever feelings you're feeling reading this, I'm having then 10x worse. I miss you, and for what it's worth, I'm sorry.
From, Shane.
