what happens in Maine, stays in Maine.

8.

december 28th

knock knock
alex closes her eyes as the light tapping on wood meets her ears.
she sniffs hard just as the door opens, looking up she sees her sister enter the bedroom and close the door behind her.
alex is sat on top of the bed, ankles crossed, arms wrapped around her knees, pulling them close to her chest.
"i wanted to see how you were doing" jen says timidly as she moves to sit on the edge of the bed.
her eyes roam over alexs swollen, blotchy face.
the remnants of tears drying on her cheeks.
"you've barely eaten or drank, i brought you some snacks so you can just eat them when you feel able to" jen says as she places the bottles of water and food on the bedside table.
alex still doesn't speak a word.
"are you gonna tell me what happened on that walk?....it's been two days, i'm worried about you. bradley's worried" at those last words alex met her sisters eyes, letting out a huff of indignation.
"yeah right" alex finally spoke, her voice sounding choked and tired, "she's just as pissed off at me as i am at her"
jennifer didn't say anything, waiting, knowing her sister well enough to know she's about to open up, even if it is in an attempt to defend herself.
firstly though, alex opens the water, gulping fast before exhaling strongly, relief flooding through her sore throat and throbbing head.
"she...erm she- bradley...tried to kiss me"
jennifer's eyes widened briefly but she managed to maintain composure.
"but alex, you know better than i do that you've been flirting with her this whole time, teasing her and-"
"yes i know that" alex snapped, cutting her sister off abruptly.
"are you- hey look at me" jen waits until they finally make eye contact, somewhat reluctantly from alex.
"are you still hung up on laura?"
the question hung heavy in the air as alex played it over in her mind.
"no...no i don't think so"
sure what alex and laura had was amazing, she was alexs one true love, that kind of love that is so rare and sacred, yet always leaves too soon for whatever reason. but that was long gone now.
alex had spent all of yesterday reminiscing on her and laura's almost two year relationship, the ups and downs. the start and the end. every little triumph and mistake.
she'd found it so cathartic, after so long of pushing it down and pretending it had never even happened, that it wasn't who she truly was.
remembering it all brought clarity, closure and freedom.
but with those three, also came a wave of sadness as she realised just how long she'd been living like this. the realisation that because of the job she'd given everything up for, there was no way she could date a woman at all. the media would shred her to pieces, her colleagues wouldn't make eye contact, she'd be followed everywhere by lenses.
alex knew this wasn't the 90s anymore, things were different. but she knew her industry empire well enough to know it would not be her idea of pleasant.
"i havent spoken to laura properly since that all happened, even when she comes to uba to see bradley, we both avoid each other, maybe a short hi is uttered but... i don't know how she feels about me and honestly...i really don't wanna know" alex chuckles.
"so i don't understand..." jennifer said quietly.
there's a pause of silence.
"do you maybe like...someone else" a lot of emphasis was put on 'someone' and it did not go unnoticed by alex who rolled her eyes, her head dropping.
to her embarrassment she started to feel the hot sting of fresh tears form as she bit into her lip hard.
jennifer placed her hand gently on alexs hand, causing her to look up as she let the tears run their paths down her cheeks.
"i don't know what to do" she managed to choke out as a heaving sob racked her body.
the sisters held on to each other, just as they had done their entire life, as jen let alex cry, a rarity in itself.
"ugh i hate being all weak and pathetic" alex muttered, her voice sounding thick from crying.
"hey! you're not weak, we've talked about this al. you need to stop believing that showing your true emotions is a sign of weakness" jennifer said sternly. alex didn't reply.
after a few moments jennifer spoke again just loud enough for alex to hear.
"you need to make up with her."
alex sat up, pulling away. she wiped her nose on the back of her hand.
"i cant, i can't do that to her. there's no way we could be close as-as friends or...anything else. it would be so unfair of me to drag her into this life, and...and away from laura"
alex squeezed her eyes shut, just saying their names in the same sentence was painful.
the hell she's experienced seeing them together, or listening to bradley gush about laura.
it was so hard to not purposely distance herself from the one person who'd been actually willing to be her friend.
"she's in her room" jennifer says, laying her hand on alexs again, "talk to her"
and with that she stood up, placed a kiss on her sisters head and then left the room.
leaving alex in the silence to think it over.

after a whole hour of thinking and arguing with herself alex wrapped her robe tightly around herself and padded down the hallway.
she hesitated before knocking on the door.
alex was met with the shocked expression of a smaller blonde woman, who had clearly ready just gotten ready for bed.
"oh jeez alex-"
"yeah yeah i know i look like shit, can i come in please?" alex whispered trying to get all the awkward moments out of the way quickly.
it was true, bradley thought, alex did look like shit. but that wasn't what she'd been thinking.
bradley had every thought in her mind to turn the older woman away but something just couldn't and she reluctantly moved to the side to let alex stroll in, just like she did on christmas eve.
however instead of climbing into the bed as if it were hers again, alex opted to sit perched on the very edge, at the very foot of the bed.
bradley joined her on top of the bed, sitting on her pillows, legs crossed as she looked at her co anchor expectantly.
the older woman was twiddling with her fingers and the material of her robe.
"erm-" alex cleared her throat. "i wanted to apologise for the other day...on the walk" she pauses waiting for bradley to say something, but when she doesn't alex realises this isn't gonna be as easy to earn her forgiveness as usual.
she chances a glance at bradley and is met by a stone cold stare causing her to look away quickly.
"i spoke to jen...and she err- she's made me realise that perhaps i should try and explain things a little better. you know i'm not good at this kind of stuff so please bare with me"
bradley folded her arms, still not saying anything.
"i-i...." alex sighed "you see the thing is....i freaked out"
"yeah no shit" bradley finally spoke.
"hey let me finish atleast" alex snapped.
"ok...but it was be-because...i knew i was teasing you and fooling around just for... i don't know. excitement? fun?" at this bradley let out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a huff.
"as you've probably noticed my mood is a lot better here, i don't think things through entirely like i would back in manhattan. but i think it's important that you know...i have been with women before"
the silence was so thick you could almost see it.
the sound of a pin dropping would have reverberated off the walls for hours.
bradley felt her heart skip about 5 beats as she heard the older woman admit this.
"alex i-"
"no one knows...well...not many people. certainly no one at tms. and i'd like to keep it that way"
"of course"
alex felt a huge feeling of relief spreading through her as she realised that she didn't need to worry about bradley telling cory and stella anything they didn't need to know.
"but yeah...i haven't been with a woman in a longggg time you know, it's harder when your in the public eye. or married with a child."
alex's worst habit was rambling when she felt vulnerable. that and just straight up running away.
"anyway, i freaked out because for a moment it- it brought back all those memories and feelings that i-i've suppressed and it just...it shocked me"
bradley's silent for a few moments before asking a question alex hadn't exactly anticipated coming up.
"who was she?"
alex stared straight ahead at the curtains as she meddled with the idea of telling bradley the entire story.
no. too risky. too soon.
"sh-she was...some girl who i went to college with and we errr, we got close. for almost 2 years actually"
"wow"
alex looked at bradley questioningly and slightly annoyed as her brows knitting together.
"no no i just mean...i never would've guessed. i just thought you were being extra clingy this past week. i don't know i just...woah. well what happened?"
alex shook her head, looking down at her hands clasped in her lap, "it's complicated"
alex laughed nervously as she stood up, her hands still clasping together.
"ok well...i just wanted to clear that up. and let you know that my reaction wasn't because i was disgusted in you or..." alex started walked towards the door.
bradley jumped up off the bed and hurriedly followed.
"just know that i'm sorry...ok?"
alex whispered as she stood in the doorway, turning to walk back down the dark hallway.
"hey al" bradley whispered, lightly touching alexs arm.
"just for argument sake...if i did actually kiss you...would you freak out the same way? you know, now that i know all that..." bradley asked, biting her lip which alex could barely see in the darkness.
the silence seemed to stretch out into eternity before alex finally whispered;
"goodnight brad" and turned and walked quickly down and back into her own room, without so much as a glance back to where she knew bradley was still stood watching her.
once her door was shut she heaved a great breath, a slight smile dancing across her lips...