My Only

CHAPTER 12

July 2nd
Jeanne Watson

I don't want to share room and absolutely not bed with him. I think while the hot water from the shower head washes my naked body.

He's out in the bedroom doing something while I'm here, locked in the bathroom. I've been showering for one hour straight now. I really don't want to go out. But I will have to, I can't stay here the whole tour. I turn off the shower and walk out of the bathtub that I just stood in. I take a towel around my naked body and unlock the door to see Harry sitting on the bed.

"Can you like...not be here?" I ask without looking him in the eyes.

"Right" he says and walks into our mini living room so I'm alone in the bedroom.

Once he's out I walk over to my bag at the floor and throw my sleeping clothes on the bed. It's kinda late. Maybe around ten PM.

I put on grey soft-pants and a pastel purple t-shirt.

"You can come in now!" I shout over to Harry. Even though I don't want him to come, I can't not tell him. Seconds later he walks into the room.

"I'm taking the bed" Harry says.

"Where am I sleeping then?" I ask. But I'm not surprised. There's no way in hell that I'm sharing bed with him. Sharing room with him is bad enough.

"Sounds more like a you-problem" he says. I look at him while he lays himself under the bed covers with his back facing me.

Is he meaning that I'm sleeping on the floor?

Fine. As he wants. I look into my bag and take out a hoodie and shape it in a ball so I can use it as a pillow. I put it on the floor beside the bed and put my head on it.

I fall asleep.

**

What time is it? Is the first thought I get as I wake up. I look at my phone.

03:08 am.

Great. I sit up and see that Harry's still sleeping in the bed. I sigh and look down at my skinny legs. I stand up and feel blood rushing through my head as I get dizzy. I close my eyes and stumble a bit.

Then I walk over to the bathroom and lock the door after me.

I stand in front of the sink. I put on the water on the hottest it can be. I take the hot water in my hands and then pat my face with my wet hands. Then I lean my hands on the sink and look up.

I see a girl standing there.

She has strawberry-blonde hair to just below her shoulders.

She has light green eyes.

And if you look closer you could divine pale freckles.

But then you have to look really closely.

I study her diamond shaped face.

She's ugly.

She's gross.

She's disgusting.

She doesn't deserve anything.

No one wants her.

Die.

She's me.

I sit down on the floor and put my face in my hands.

I'm ugly. I'm gross. I'm disgusting. I don't deserve anything. Die.

I'm crying. Ugly crying. You know like a baby. The tears are unstoppable. They flow from my eyes and leaves my hands wet. I can't even look at myself. I'm disgusting. I'm worthless. It would all be better if I would just die. No one would even care and Harry would just be happy.