My Only

CHAPTER 28

July 17th
Jeanne Watson

"What's your favourite song now again?" Harry asks me before their concert starts.

"Haven't I told you?" I ask, referring to when me and Harry were lying on that beach. That's when I told him I like 'The chain' by Fleetwood Mac.

Thinking back to that time makes me confused. The time when we were...I don't know, what were we? Enemies? No, definitely not. But we weren't friends either. But no, confused is not the right word. I don't want to think back to that time, it wasn't even long ago, but it makes me feel like I'm living in some sort of weird dream. For just like one month ago, we hated each other. If we would be left in a room alone for at least one hour someone would be dead.

"The chain" he answers. I nod and smile, confirming it. We're standing in the hallway, in front of each other, holding each other's hands.

"Why do you wonder?" I ask out of curiosity.

"Good to know" he answers and let's go of my hands.

"Good luck" I tell him since their concert starts in any minute. 

"Styles, Gelbero! Get out on the fucking stage!" a staff member shouts from my back. I turn around to see his face. He's muscular and I can see the veins on his throat. He's tall as hell. Like taller than Harry who's already towering over me by just standing in front of me. I turn back to Harry.

"I think I have to go now" he laughs.

"I think that the word 'think' might be an exaggeration" I joke, Harry and I laugh.

"Styles!" the staff member once again shouts.

"I'm coming!" Harry shouts back looking over my head at him. I can't help but laugh a little from the situation. Harry's eyes flick back to me. "Gotta go" he says and kisses my forehead before he walks past me to the arena.

I turn around and then I just stand there watching him get smaller and smaller, smiling. He really is an angel. An angel sent by god. Cheesy, I know, but true. His messy, brown hair is perfect. The shape of his face is perfect. The way his body is build is perfect.

God really has his favorites.

"Hello, J. Can we talk? It's been a while" Jessica then says from behind me. I turn around to meet her face. Her long blonde hair is in a bun on her head. A perfect bun. No leftover hair. Perfect, just like her. Her blue eyes are also a perfect shade of blue. Her wedding ring sits perfect on her ring finger. Like it's always been there. Her perfect-shaped lips are pink and glossy. Her eyelashes long and dark.

"Yeah, of course"

**

We're in her hotel room. I'm sitting in an armchair and she's sitting on her and Luke's bed. The concert started about twenty minutes ago.

"Can you tell me about all the...marriage things?" I ask her. She hasn't said anything about when she got married, how she got married, who wanted to get married and all of that.

"We got married the 8th of July. So it was a while ago, that's why Luke wanted to have a party" she explains.

Oh.

"Luke proposed the same day, we didn't have a big wedding, we went to the city hall and just signed two papers and then boom, we were married" she further explains. That's so not Jessica. Because I know that she have always wanted to have a big, expensive wedding with big dresses with diamonds and so many guests.

And maybe that's what I find weird about this whole situation, that she's always – as long as I've known her – wanted to have a big, luxurious wedding with so many guests. She even made a book full of inspiring wedding photos and she wrote exactly how she wanted her wedding to be – well, she wanted to marry Leonardo DiCaprio – so I guess that it wouldn't have been exactly what she planned, but still.

God Jeanne, stop overthinking.

I'm probably just grumpy since I didn't have the chance to go to my best friend's wedding.

"Okay" I answer shortly. "Did you talk to Luke?" she looks down and fiddles with her fingers.

"Yes" she answers and looks up again. I smile at her.

"What did he say? Was it that bad?" I ask referring to the face she's making.

"He said that he wasn't that kind of person who likes to talk. Which I know, and maybe it was wrong of me to marry him but I love him and he loves me. And I know that I can talk to him and that he won't judge me" she explains.

Fair enough.

All I can think of is the mafia. And how Jessica doesn't know that her husband, Luke Hemmings is working for the mafia. I know Harry does, and we're together. But Jessica doesn't know, and she's married to Luke. The cold-hearted man who doesn't talk. I don't care what she says about him, he's straight out mean. Somewhere down there, he's mean. And also, he's weird. He sent a text to Harry when I was with Jessica, saying that I wanted a ride home. He knew back then that he wanted to kill me, that he was danger, that our relationship was fake, that if I told him then and there that I didn't want to anymore, he would kill me. But he still sent that text, saying that I wanted a ride home. Why?

"Why did Luke tell Harry that I wanted a ride home?" I ask. I know, I'm buying into it too much. But I want to know and I'm not giving up until I know. Right now I have so many questions about Luke that it would take longer to ask all of them than to count all the stars, really.

"He wanted to be with me" Jessica says shortly, swallowing a lump and avoiding eye contact. I nod.

"He told you that?" I ask. He's lying.

"Yes" she answers. "Can we do something else?"

"Okay" I say. But instead of doing something else, we just sit there in silence. I look at my necklace. The butterfly necklace.

And all I can think of is Harry. Harry. He's not free. He's forced to work with the mafia. He's forced to kill me. He's forced to be someone he isn't. Behind all those harsh moves, he's just a guy. A guy who wants to live his life. A guy who wants nothing but a normal life.

"What shall we do?" I then ask to break my thoughts before they escalate into something else. God forbid having a breakdown in front of Jessica.

I know that it doesn't make sense to be this close to someone and them not knowing...

I stop my thoughts there.

She really doesn't know me, doesn't she?

She doesn't know that our ex was abusive with me, that I don't have that joy of life, that I know probably more and less about her husband that she does, she doesn't know anything about me.

God Jeanne stop.

"I don't know" Jessica says. The tension between us is sucking my life out in a very painful way. Maybe we're not even best friends? I just gave her that label because I'm broken.

Well, not broken. And she just went with it?

"Are you okay Jea-"

"The concert ends soon" I say. "We could go there" I couldn't come up with anything better.

"Sure"

**

Me, Jessica, Ivan and Luke are sitting in the small room. All arenas have a small room. I like these rooms. This whole tour have given me routines. Wake up, go to new places in the tour bus, go to the new hotel room, fall asleep. Next day, wake up, go to arena, sit in small room, go home, sleep. Next day, wake up, you can do what you want, repeat.

"The concert should have ended by now" Ivan says.

"Maybe it has ended" I say. Maybe it has ended and they're just walking over to here. This arena is huge. It wouldn't surprise me if they got lost because I would've and it doesn't help that much that everything looks exactly the same everywhere.

"It hasn't" Luke says. We all are quiet. That's when I hear that they're still playing a song.

The chain.

I slowly stand up, my heart getting warm. Only thing I hear now is Harry's voice singing my favourite song. That's why he asked me.

"J, isn't this your favourite song?" Jessica asks. I look down at her sitting on the couch.

"It is"