My Only

CHAPTER 22

July 12th
Jeanne Watson

Concert and soundcheck. Funny day to look forward to.

No.

We haven't planned anything special. The soundcheck begins in two hours and me and Harry are just sitting on the couch, fingers intertwined, my head on his shoulder. I've been feeling empty ever since the incident on the tour bus yesterday. It's like I just tried to hide all of my feelings for Harry to not bother him with me. And then when he asked me, wondering how I felt, it all collapsed. And ever since, everything that has ever happened in my life just came like a wave washing over me and I haven't been able to process it so instead of just crying out, I've just sat on the same spot, staring into the white wall.

"Do you want to do anything today?" Harry then asks as I can feel his eyes looking down on me. For the first time in half an hour, I turn to look at him. I think for a while, not knowing what to answer.

I haven't thought for very long on what I want to do. It's been things happening all the time. What do I want to do? I just thought that we would lie here all day and just hug and kiss. But now when I get the question, what do I want to do? I've never been in Birmingham, we could go to different stores all day, try to find a beach and be there, like I first thought to just stay here, but I don't know.

I decide to just take something.

"I want to look around" I say, even shocking myself that I even want to leave my warm spot and that it's what came out. "I've never been to Birmingham" I continue, mostly trying to convince myself that I want to do it.

"Like go shopping?" he asks, furrowed brows.

"Well, maybe not shopping but just look around in different shops?" A smile breaks out on his lips. "Please don't say no" I say, scared of him turning down the only thing that I decided that I want to do besides sitting here like a freak.

"I'd love to" he says.

**

"Ooo, can we go in here?" Jessica asks and points at a jewelry shop. It looks expensive.

Hella expensive.

Golden and silver chains, rings, clocks, necklaces, everything looks expensive. And it looks pretty too, I'm going to be broke when I get out here. Not that I have the economy for this, but even if I don't buy something I'll still look broke and feel broke. And I'll be able blame it all on Jessica.

We turn to left, walking into the shop that Jessica pointed out.

Great, it smells expensive too.

The scent of expensive perfumes and old woman in pearl necklaces. Men with Rolex clocks in gold and suits. And then me. An almost 23-year-old woman in light blue mom jeans, ripped in the knees, light blue top with a text written in white; messy hair don't care and cheap 'gold' rings on my fingers. Also a very cliché tattoo on my hand; faith over fear written in cursive, also two butterflies on my right arm.

I look cheap and I definitely don't belong here.

I look for Jessica who went straight for the rings.

The wedding rings.

I walk up to her.

"Hello, Jess. What are you looking for?" I ask over her shoulder looking down at the rings. But since she's a little bit taller than me, I have to stand on my toes to reach just up on her shoulder. Yes, I'm short.

"Rings" she answers while she takes up one ring as she studies it. A golden ring with a small diamond in the middle.

In a quick act, I take it out of her hand and goes down on my knees below her, looking up at her. She understands what I'm going to do and leans on her hip with crossed arms and lifted eyebrows.