An Unequalled Affection

Part 26

The trip was to be an engagement tour, of sorts, and Jane almost begged off going. She could have borne going to Kent with Lizzy and happening to be there at the same time as Mr Darcy and his sister. She did not even mind the fact that Lizzy and Mr Darcy were so obviously enamoured with one another that an engagement was surely very close on the horizon. I planned to ensure it myself before we came home! she thought, but the notion of travelling with her sister as part of an engagement visit to Mr Darcy's closest living relatives made Jane squirm.

"Are you quite sure you need me there?" she asked for the hundredth time as she packed her trunk. Elizabeth stood by, arguably helping but making a mess of everything Jane folded neatly inside her case. She had deliberately left it to the last minute to pack in hopes she could find some way to escape making the journey altogether but time had grown short and now the hour was upon her.

"Of course!" Lizzy was determined. "I shall need a chaperone."

"You shall have Georgiana."

"A friend, then."

"And is Georgiana not as much a friend to you as any of us?"

"A sister." Lizzy stopped packing and turned wide, beseeching eyes on Jane. "You must come, Jane. If not for me then for Charlotte. She misses you so."

"Oh, indeed." Jane dismissed this out of hand although she did not doubt it was quite true. Charlotte likely did miss her as she missed all of the friends she had left behind her to marry and move away. Life as Mr Collins' wife could not be easy, and if a visit from not one but two friends would help make it not only endurable but pleasant then it was surely the very least Jane could do.

"Come, Jane! It is too late to change our plans now, and I know you would not wish to disappoint poor Charlotte."

"Poor Charlotte would be quite as happy with one guest as with two. It would be half the work!" Jane protested, feebly. She knew Lizzy had won and that there would be nothing for it but to make the trip and enjoy it as best she could.

"Besides, do you not wish to see Kent? I have not been there but I have heard it is very pleasant, especially in the spring."

This was true enough. Jane was eager for some new sights and sounds, an escape from the dreary sameness of Hertfordshire, which seemed all the more dreary since Colonel Fitzwilliam had gone.

Gone. This had been a shock that Jane was not yet fully acclimated to, although she had not - would not - admit as much to Lizzy. She had been in Meryton alone or had orchestrated to be left alone for a quarter-hour by her sisters who were otherwise engaged, spending money at the lace-makers and unlikely to emerge until they were penniless but pretty, wrapped in yards of the stuff that Lydia declared essential. Jane had slipped along to the barracks, taking her heart and her life in her hands to do so. She saw not a soul she knew, which was in itself disconcerting. No Mr Denny, no Mr Wickham and, at last, no Colonel Fitzwilliam. A recruit had given her the news when she had asked him to call on the Colonel.

"Fitzwilliam, Miss?" he had said, with a beaming smile Jane chose not to notice. "You are mistaken, I wager. Our Colonel's a Forster. P'raps that's the name you mean?" Jane assured him that it wasn't, but accepted she must be mistaken and hurried off before the disappointed young recruit could offer her any more assistance.

Mr Darcy had confirmed the news, then, for she had asked him, quickly and in confidence, whether the rumour she had heard of Colonel Fitzwilliam's quitting Hertfordshire was true. Where he had gone, Darcy could not say, but that the leaving was not her fault. Colonel Forster had returned ahead of time, he claimed, and so there was no further need for Richard to remain. Jane believed this, and yet she did not. She could not help but think Richard would have found cause to remain had she given him any reason to. Stupid, foolish Jane! She had grown weary lying awake late into the night, remonstrating with herself over the missed opportunity that plagued her. She had decided too late to try to see Colonel Fitzwilliam, too late to try and repair the damage her letter had done. It was over and she was now forced to accept her lot. Alas, it did not seem such a happy one as it had done when she had cast it.

"Jane?" Lizzy pinched her lightly on the arm, laughing when Jane came to herself and blinked, peering hazily up at her. "You were quite lost to the world!" Lizzy remarked, turning the pinch to a comforting pat. "Whatever were you thinking about that rendered you so serious?"

"Nothing," Jane said, finishing her packing and closing the case with such swiftness that she only narrowly avoided trapping Lizzy's fingers. She turned to look at her sister with a business-like smile. "I was wondering whether you are quite ready to meet Mr Darcy's aunt - our cousin's esteemed patroness - and be presented as her future niece."

"Oh, don't!" Lizzy groaned, hiding her head in her hands. "I am trembling to even think of it." She reached for her sister, sliding her arm companionably through Jane's. "And that is precisely why I shall need you by my side to endure it. Come, let's go and take one last walk through the orchard. The blossom will all be gone by the time we get back and we should admire it one last time while it is in bloom."

Jane smiled, happy to see her sister happy and filing her private heartbreaks away to mourn at length another time. She did not suppose it would be so very unenjoyable, travelling with the engaged pair. And I shall have Georgiana to endure it with me, she thought, brightening at the thought of Mr Darcy's sweet, clever sister. And it really will be very pleasant to escape Hertfordshire for a time. Perhaps I can succeed in leaving all my unhappy memories, my what-if, would-have-beens behind me for good.