Crack fic One-shots

shrek is love, shrek is life

I would like to first say that my friend Jordyn is the rightful owner of this story. I just wanted to post this on wattpad because why not.

•~~~~~~~~~•

  I woke up and I see a 10 foot and 3 inch green man. He was so hot h-h-h-i-i-I I'm y/n "hi bb gorl I'm Shrek." N-nice t-o- m-e-e-t-t y-ou. W-w-here a-m-m i-i-i." Your with me now forever because I love you" I-i t-t-think I love y-ou too I said still looking perfect. "You have beautiful nose bb gorl" Shrek said to me." T-thank you but i-i find it ugly I say as I start to cry. "It's ok toilet plunger" Shrek says to me. Thank you my toe fungi. No problem my little sperm. Shrek replies with.Lets go to bed Shrek says breaking the silence. O-ok I responded. We both go to sleep. I wake up to a horrible morning sickness I run to the toilet and starts vomiting cutely, I look down and I have a huge bump. SHREK E POO I call out. Yes my little lawn mower he says as he comes into the bathroom shirtless. I didn't notice till now but I saw his large muscles and hot abs. I-i think I'm pregnant. Here Shrek hands me a pregnancy test from his belly button. He hands it to me. Omg it has his beautiful belly button lint on it I think to my self. I have him leave the room as I pee on it. It comes back positive immediately. OH MY GOD LLAMA ANAL IM PREGNANT. Oh my God my blue diarrhea Shrek says to me l start to have contractions and I see the baby's head start to come out. The baby comes out with a full set of hair. OMG IS IT TO LATE TO GET AN ABBORTION. I say looking at the baby. WTF Shrek says to me."what do you mean wtf it's literally green."b-b-ut I'm green" I know, and your fucking ugly."W-what I thought you loved me" Shrek said to me about to cry. It was a distraction so I could call the police, their outside you fucking creep. "H-h-how could you". WDYM I JUST MET YOU I snapped back.The police come in and arrest him. "Are you okay man" the police say to me. Yeah I'm fine but this baby won't be as I drop kick him into the sun.

             
              THE END