I brushed my long bleached blond hair into a ponytail. I looked in the mirror and realized that my hair like that showed how much weight I had lost, showed the deep purple under my eyes. I quickly pulled my hair elastic out, wincing as I pulled a few hairs as well. I brushed through my hair, it looked healthy at least. It fell past my shoulder, parted on the side. I looked at the mirror, and breathed out a sigh of relief. I looked alive. I felt alive, I was alive. It's just at night, my nightmares seem to haunt me. I may feel alive, but my body was showing signs of what my sleepless nights were doing to me. My face seemed to be shrinking in on its self.
I grabbed some cover up and swipped under my eyes erasing the last of the signs. Leaning forward I applied blue eyeliner to my eyes, a hint of a lighter shade of blue eyeshadow was brushed across my eyelids, finally I painted some mascara on to my eyelashes. My eyes were my second best feature on my face. I looked back, and took in my reflection and smiled showing off my first best feature. I looked like I was happy. I'm not sure when the depression set in, but I'm sure that now it has, it's not going to leave. So I have to live with it, not let it control me, I am in charge of my emotions. I smiled, even though it was genuine it looked fake. Slowly my smile faded. I closed my eyes and turned away from the mirror. I walked out of the bathroom and smacked the light to turn it off.
I looked around my empty house, I grabbed my Ipod and found my song "Funhouse" by Pink. I plugged my Ipod into the speakers, and let the music drown out the pounding emptynesss.
"I dance around this empty house, tear us down, throw you all out"
I swirl around missing the next few lyrics until the chorus. "This use to be a fun house, but now it's full of evil clowns! It's time to start the count down, I'm going to burn it down, down, down, I'm going to burn it down. 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... fun." I smiled and walked around the house cleaning. Even though I knew that the song meant funhouse like the kind at a carnival and the clowns there, have turned evil. But I always feel that it means, that this house use to be fun, and now it's full of nightmares.
I dance into my room, it shows my unusual personality. A supernatural poster above my bed, glow in the dark stars scattered around the poster my bed which took up most of the room set the mood of my room due to the blanket. Before when I had had a blue wolf blanket my room had a nice relaxing tone to it. But when I bought my red blanket with wolves on it, my room was turned into a fiesty tone. My two full bookselves showed my passion for reading. I laid on my bed, I rolled around loving the feeling of my soft blanket on my body. I sat up, trying to figure out what the point of me getting out of bed today. Each day, since it started getting harder and harder to get out of bed, I tried to make each day count. The song from earlier came to mind. I grabbed my laptop, I settled on my bed, sitting with my legs folded. I stared at my background, "Flowers in my hair, demons in my head." Quickly I pulled up that website that I wanted, I typed in "Carnivals near me" the carnival that was in town popped up. I clicked on it, realizing that it was open all week and all of last week. I dressed normal, a purple t-shirt, and skinny jeans. I grabbed my black little purse, checked that I had money, spotting a couple $20's and headed outside feeling the wet grass tickle my ankles. I got into my car, started it, and was on my way to the carnival.
