Romanza In Rome

|23|

• Lilah •

Was it selfish of her to have not informed Taimoor on time? Was it selfish that while she flew out to her homeland, comfortable with the way the date went, ready for the final one, he must have been sitting awaiting her reply only to not find any? Was it selfishness that forced her to not think of him for almost a week? Was it wrong of her to make it seem as she lead him on and then betrayed him the last second? Was it acceptable that he had been the last thought in her mind? Was it okay if she hadn't thought about him while being completely enamored by his personality these past few weeks?

She was Taimoor's criminal. The hurt she had gifted him in return of all the complaints that he had been working on removing, was that not disgusting? The way she had completely forgotten, discarded her responsibilities towards him the moment she landed on Pakistani soil, were they not the epitome of a hypocrite? Someone her parents had not raised her to be. Engrossed in the pain of her family Lilah had thrown her phone to one side, only charging it last night to be reminded of the immediate pain she was causing a man who deserved better, miles away. With tear filled eyes she had dialed his number, only to be meet with the sound of three alert beeps after which the call dropped. Try as she might, neither he nor her beloved friend Emir would answer their phones.

Seated at the hospital's plastic chairs, wrapped in her father's jacket she bounced her leg up and down, her facial muscles twitching every now and then. With every breath more expensive than the previous one, Lilah waited to hear from the doctors, her phone by her side. Every few minutes she checked the bright screen, sending a text to Taimoor, hoping he would forgive her and pick up. Tears threatened to escape her eyes, her head sunk low in between her knees, the pounding inside her head escalating for the nth time that week. Pain and remorse were her new found best friends. With shaky fingers she massaged the sore space on the side of her head. Short sighs and pants escaping her cracked lips.

With a feverish look inside her lifeless eyes, Lilah stood up from the chair — the sterility weighting down on her chest. Her ribs broke themselves it seemed, pinching into the muscles of her lungs piercing the softness of her heart as she fought with it all for each breath. Each breath she won, was a breath she deserved. Slipping our from the door that lead in to the private rooms ward, she breathed a sigh of relief. Her face covered with a light sheen of tears felt chilling as the winter winds blew on her skin. Her feet, worked mindlessly carrying her to the large balcony that overlooked the private gardens of the hospital. It was dark outside and save for the moon and three stars everything else was dim.

Her hands wrapped around the thick, army green railing, her hands turning red as the grasped the ice cold metal. Leaning over she stared at the kids playing around, with not a single worry on their faces. Their little, innocent hearts that were free of pain and did not know what they or their beloved family was suffering. A stage of insolence Lilah craved for once more. She rested her cheek on the back of her palm, leaning over the grill a bit, her eyes closing as the hectic day caught up with her. The silence was bleak, it's depth could rival that of the Mariana. Thrumming hearts calmed in it's denseness, as nothing but the white noise of the mindless chatter filled the pores of all that was living. Enthralled, stupefied, shocked — enamored some of the many adjectives used for the nights of peace in the Federal capital of the country.

Gauging what her mind was telling was a capability she had lost for the evening. She was holding on until her nanu woke up, before finally breaking down and melting into the arms of her father. She needed that now more than ever, but Lilah knew, her mother was the one that deserved all the support at that moment — not her. For one more night she hoped, she would fight and prolong that which was meant to happen then, she would come clean to her parents about everything. From Taimoor to the heartache to the dates. Everything. No more keeping secrets, or telling them half truths — she had vowed to herself.