Tranquillity

𝖯𝖱𝖮𝖫𝖮𝖦𝖴𝖤

                               • 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐢 •

TOXIC. As an adjective the word refers to something poisonous. It can also be described as something or someone very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way. Our love is more than toxic, it is lethal or even radioactive. Corrosive, fatal and highly dangerous but nonetheless addictive. Alluring and breathtaking, I couldn't get enough.

The word toxic becomes bad when it's a one way thing. In our case it was a two way thing. Each action was reciprocated by the other party. Both parties participated equally in this endeavor of toxicity. I didn't even have the right to cry because I had caused him equal turmoil.

There is something about 'toxic' that keeps you coming back for more, nipping at one's heel. I can't explain but that surge of toxic love gives me a sense of euphoria.

You feel loved and you love that person but because of your toxic tendencies you continue in your wayward course. Then ah, the best part is when the revelation that you can not live without that person and that you love this mf occurs to you. When that realization hits you like a train in the face, you start to make drastic measures to change your ways. To change your ways so that can fit the other person. That's when you know you are whipped especially if you are a pimp. They change you into a simp and you start simping.

In my life, I have experienced different kinds of love but never this type. Never have I ever experienced toxic love. Some tried to warn me by telling me he is no good for me. Whipped me  brushed all those negative words away. I took a leap and a huge risk but to be honest the risk was worth it.

You can mess around, play with people's feelings but let's face it there comes a time when you have to settle down. If you don't settle down you will stay a spinster or a bachelor. Plus settling down shows maturity. At least that's what I thought until J and I fought like little kids acting all childish. But really, on a serious note settling down for one person shows maturity.

It is thrilling to find your equal, not eighty-twenty but fifty-fifty.

J is the fifty that completes me. He may not be a fresh new fifty dollar note but he serves the same purpose of a fresh one. He carries the same worth of a fresh one.

My point is, it's rare to get into a relationship with a person that's brand new. Brand new in the sense that they have never been toyed with or heart broken. New in the sense that they are not flawed. My fifty is flawed but I look past those flaws because I see the good in him.

Folks all I am trying to express is that love is real. It's not going to be vanilla love for everyone. Some like me get the hard type of love, the 'toxic love'. But that doesn't mean you give up on love and you the person. Love is a beautiful phenomenon.

Our story isn't like Bonnie & Clyde's, Hamlet and Ophelia's, Queen and Slim's or Romeo and Juilet's. I will not even compare it to these famous love stories because that's where people go wrong in love. Have your own thing going on because love stories can never be the same.

It is unique, our very own, Mars and J.

This is Mars and J's story.