Under the Surface ~ A Demon Slayer Fanfic

Strength is a Weakness

TW: Self Harm

Inosuke POV

This morning, I wake up to the smell of meat cooking, which, in my mind, is a very good way to start the day. Even better, when I stepped out of my tent I was greeted by Tanjiro, who had made a fire and was roasting the fish we had caught yesterday.

He gives me one of those adorable smiles. "Hey, Inosuke! Sleep well?"

"Uh, yeah," I stutter. "Not that it's any of your business." I internally curse myself for saying something stupid, like always.

But his smile doesn't fade. "Good!" Zenitsu emerges from his tent next, distracting Tanjiro. Thank goodness. I was terrified he would see the blush creeping up my neck.

The three of us are here in the woods for the next week, on a training trip. Each day, we spar, hunt, and practice wilderness survival. Of course, I already know pretty much everything there is to know about the woods, so sparing is where I'm focusing.

After breakfast, we start fighting practice. Tanjiro and Zenutsu go off to our sparring spot, and come back half and hour later, Zenitsu looking battered and Tanjiro refreshed.

"Zenitsu wants to take a break, wanna go spar?" Tanjiro beams, never seeming to get tired. I rise from sharpening my swords and place my boar mask over my head, eager to move.

When we get to the spot, we stand at opposite ends of the clearing, swords at the ready. I'm the first to lunge. I slice my sword at Tanjiro, but he deflects, twisting his sword around mine and sending it though the air. I grasp my other sword in two hands, grimacing at the uncomfortable position. I'm not used to fighting with a single sword; I have a much lower chance of winning now.

I flip over him and swing, hoping to take him by surprise, but he easily whips around and parries my attack. He pushes my sword to the side and smiles. "Wow, you're even better than last time!"

I'll admit, I'm distracted by his smile. Only for a split second, but it's enough for him to notice my hesitation and headbutt me. Pain explodes in my head and I falter back. Using my imbalance to his advantage, he sweeps his leg under my feet and throws me to the ground, knocking the wind out of me, knocking off my mask, and...

Tearing the bottom of my pant leg.

Oh no.

The tear only goes from my knee to the cuff, but it's enough. I cant let him see. This is my secret, my burden. I stand and, turning the ripped leg away from him, run off.

Tanjiro POV

I watch as Inosuke runs off, confused. He really hates losing - maybe that disarming move was unfair. I internally chide myself for exploiting his weakness. I can't stand to see him upset.

It's for that same reason that I find myself running after him through the autumn leaves, sweating from the fight despite the chill air, which also, strangely, carrie's the smell of blood. Maybe I hit him harder than I meant to.

It takes me almost ten minutes to find Inosuke. When I do, he's in a small clearing, kneeling by a hole in the ground. I've been to this clearing before: we went hunting here yesterday. I never saw a hole, though. Come to think of it, he was avoiding that area...

As I get a closer look at what he's doing, my heart stops.

Inosuke is kneeling on the ground, tears streaking down his face. He presses a bloodied knife to his ankle, which I now noticed is crisscrossed with angry red scars, along with his shin. Tears fill my eyes as the reality of what I'm seeing hits me.

He looks up at me and startles. He quickly finishes the cut he was making and tosses aside the knife, tugging the torn fabric of his pants around the marks. I rush over and kneel beside him, grasping his hands in mine.

"Inosuke..."

"What?!"

"What is this?" I shake my head at myself. I know exactly what's going on. "Why- why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"Inosuke, I saw what you were doing." I look at his defiant face, set jaw under damp cheeks, and I know that unless I confront it, he won't be able to either. So even though I'm terrified, even though I want this to be a nightmare, even though I'm afraid I'll make it worse-

"Inosuke, why are you cutting yourself?"

His stubborn façade melts before my eyes. He stares down at the deliberate, methodical scars on his leg, the newest one bleeding heavily, as tears flood his face. I gently reach up and wipe them away, but they just keep coming. So, for a while, I simply sit by him in silence. When he's calmed down enough, I risk asking, "Inosuke... why?"

"Why? Because I deserve it. Because I'm not strong. And I need to be strong, because if I'm not, who am I? I do this to make myself strong. When I slip up - like how you just beat me - this is my solution."

"Inosuke... you know this isn't a solution."

"ITS THE ONLY ONE I HAVE!"

Tears fill my eyes yet again, but I push them away. "How long has this been going on for?"

A look of shame on his face, he stands and rolls up both pant legs. I watch in horror as dozens and dozens of scars are reavealed. His legs are completely covered.

He looks up, and, seeing my horrified expression, solemnly says,

"Since the first time I lost to you."

Now I can't control the tears. They're pouring down my face, dripping down my chin. The last time I cried this hard, I'd actually lost someone...

I take a breath and force the tears back. I need to be strong for Inosuke; he's the one suffering. I put on  a brave face and a gentle smile.

"First of all, losing doesn't make you weak. Even the hashira have lost; and they're stronger for it. Hurting yourself- it won't help. I swear to you, I-" my breath catches at painful memories. "I've experienced that for myself. We're going to get through this. You and me. I promise."

He looks up at me and I'm suddenly painfully aware of how little space there is between us. His forehead almost meets mine, and I can see the bruise where I hit him during sparring. Then, all I can see are his eyes.

He startles and pulls back, looking at the ground. "But-"

"Please." It's barely a whisper.

He takes a shuddering breath. "Fine. I- I'll try. For you."

I nod and give his hand a squeeze. We stand and walk almost all the way to camp before we notice that our fingers are still interlaced. We pull our hands away at the same time and continue on.

We get back to camp, where Zenitsu is sitting by the fire beside Nezuko's box. He does a double take when he sees Inosuke's leg.

I give Inosuke and encouraging look, then explain the situation to Zenitsu. He nods with a sympathetic look. "Yeah, Tanjiro's right. Together."

Together. Always.