What If It Had Been..- TXT's sixth member

18

We had just finished the recording for the concept trailer and to say I was hungry was an understatement. I still hadn't eaten since yesterday, I just hadn't had a chance yet. Luckily we were going to get something to eat soon.

We were in the minibus driving back from the recording location at the minute and me and Kai were sat at the back. He had fallen asleep a while ago and his head hand ended up laying on my shoulder, although I had to keep grabbing it to prevent his neck from breaking as he kept flying forwards every time there was a slight bump.

I grabbed my phone from my pocket checking the time.

6:53

We were going out of our way to go to this random restaurant that Beomgyu wanted to go to, despite it being over the complete opposite side of the city. He'd pretty much started crying at first when the manager had told him we weren't going to go. Of course, he turned into a five-year-old and had a tantrum.

So here we are, almost an hour and a half away from home all because Beomgyu wanted to try this other type of Kimchi. Brat.

"C'mon, we're here." The manager parked the car in the car park, unclipping his seatbelt and putting a mask on.

I looked down and Kai, gently tapping his leg, pulling his arm's that were intertwined in mine.

"Kai.. wake up." I unclipped my belt, turning to unclip his aswell.

"Hmm.. later." He mumbled grabbing my arm again.

"We're are the restaurant. You said you were hungry." I stood up grabbing his hand, trying to pull up his limp body.

"Ooo! Ok, ok let's go." He stood up nodding at me with a small smile.

I chuckled walking down to the front if the bus,  grabbing a mask from the manager stepping out of the bus waiting for Kai at the door. Soon after he had walked out behind me jumping out if the bus, almost falling over as his foot slid on the small little rock's on the floor.

We walked in behind the other's, also being closely followed by a few staff member's that either lived in the area or just decided to tag along.

We stood at the door for a few minutes before a short women in neat uniform came and escorted us to out table. Her hair was pulled back so far I'm sure her hair line must have been receding by the second. It also looked like it had a thick layer of gel over the top of it making her hair reflect the light. It was an unnecessary amount of gel, like when you knocked on her head it sounded like you were knocking on wood.

Anyway, we all sat down, Kai next to me on my right side and the wall on my left, Soobin all so sat in front of me which I was greatly thankful for. Turn's out the place was a Korean BBQ which I guess isn't too bad.

We all ordered what we wanted. When I say we I mean Beomgyu, Yeonjun and the Manager picked what we were going to eat. It had become a bit of a reoccurring incident. I never get to choose what I ate. Ever.

I did get to pick what I wanted to drink. But I was in a basic mood so I chose water.

"Hyung, why are you so quite?" Kai leaned over grabbing things on the table.

"I'm quite? I thought I was average loudness." He laughed shaking his head.

"No. Your really quite all the time, everyone else is so loud." He drank some of his drink.

"Hmm.. I'm just a bit tired I guess."

"Well guess what hyung, I have something perfect for tomorrow to help wake you up!"

"What do you mean?" I looked at him frowning.

"I have our whole day planned out! And of course I know you would normally just sit in you room and draw or something, but today I've decided for both of use that we will spend a whole day together! I can learn more about you and well I'm sure I've told you a lot already about me, but you can learn something about me! Sound like a plan?" He rambled throwing his hands around enthusiastically.

"But I'm tired Kai. Plus don't we have to record again tomorrow?" I sighed at the thought of being on camera again. Of course at times I loved it, but some day's, I just couldn't be bothered.

"Nope! We have a clear schedule tomorrow! Trust me you'll love it." He smiled at me, before looking over at the short little lady as she brought all of the food over.

Me, Kai, Soobin and Taehyun all shared a grill and two bowls of meat between us. Along with all the sides and thing's like that. Yeonjun and Beomgyu sat on the other side along with the manager and a few staff members.

Soobin grabbed the tongs first, grabbing a few strips of pork belly of the plate onto the grill. Immediately a loud sizzle was heard as he let the meat cook for a bit.

A few minutes of conversation went by, consisting of Taehyun trying to act as distant as possible and Soobin and Kai betting on who could drink the most Soju in ten seconds. Kai ended up winning and Soobin ended up having to hand over the large sum of money he had once agreed on.

I glanced over at Taehyun. He smiled slightly sitting forwards to grab the tongs chopping the meat into slices. Soobin had retired from his role as chef, now sitting with his head in his hand's as Kai mocked his misfortune.

"Ok it's done. Hurry and eat so we can cook more." Taehyun grabbed his chopsticks and some lettuce stuffing it all into his mouth.

Soobin looked up, glaring at Kai, reaching over to get himself food.

Kai himself seemed happier then ever as he sat with a very gleeful smile on his face as be also got his food. I quickly followed his actions, thanking Taehyun before finally eating.

I can't remember the last time I had felt so relived to eat something. It wasn't like I had purposely not eaten, I just hadn't had any time. It had started to become a habit recently. I either couldn't find time to eat or I just couldn't be bothered. It wasn't because of any diets or just because I wanted to starve my self purposely, I just couldn't find the energy when it came to it.

I hadn't thought about the physical and mental aspects of becoming an idol. My body 100% was not used to exercising so vigorously everyday. I'm sure it wouldn't be as exhausting forever because of course I joined right before a comeback. And I definitely hadn't thought about whether it would benefit my mental health in any way. Why would I. Why should I.

Why would I, when my brain was so clouded about the aspect of being famous. Of being a celebrity in some sense. And truthfully I had been greedy and selfish in my decision to leave Japan. At least that's what my Aunt had told me.

Of course I should have listened to her when she told me it would all be a mistake. That if I left she would have nobody. Reminding me of the night. She said if I was to leave her in Japan, I would be being even more selfish then on that night. She reminded me she was the one that raised me. The one that graciously took me under her wing when nobody else wanted me. She would remind me of my brother and mother, how if I left Japan I would be leaving them.

Don't you think you've caused them enough despair and pain?

How dare you finish them off, just to run away from what you've caused! You disgust me. Vile boy.

Her words often intruded my brain.

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