Stumbling in your footsteps - Mattdock

(14) What did you have left to loose

//Nick's pov//

Once we enter Johnny's home his mom appears in front of us.

"Nicholas, can I talk to you?" She asks, and I look at her, then at Johnny, who just gives me a shrug, with a confused expression on my face.

"O-okay" I reply, really nervous.

"Follow me" she says before turning around, starting to walk and gesturing for me to follow her, which I do.

She leads me to this kind of office, I had never been in this room.

"So, Nick, do you know what I do for a living?" She asks and I look at her even more confused as I shake my head "well, I'm therapist" shit "and I can see that you clearly have big problems".

"What do you mean, they're as small as an ant" I lie, but I was quite curious to what dhe was going to say.

"Well, when Johnny came home, a few months ago, last time he went to your house, he came bck really shaken up, and some days later I asked him what was wrong" she stops talking for a bit "he just broke down and said that he couldn't protect you, that you probably hated him" shit, she can't know "you came over that night and Johnny told us all what happend" she stops talking for a bit again, but suddenly she looks me in the eyes "are you the friend he mentioned?"

I really want to tell her the truth, but I don't know if I cam trust her.

"N-no, why would someome do that to me" I say in shaky voice, no one can know, except Johnny.

"I don't know why someone would do that to you, but your actions show that something really bad happend to you" she states and I look down, holding back tears.

I just stay silent for a bit.

"I'm sorry" I don't even know why I'm apologising, I just felt like I needed to.

"Why are you sorry, Nick?" She asks me softly and I shrug.

"I don't know" I say in all honestly, but as soon as those words leave my mouth the reasons flood my mind, so I decide to say some of them "for making people worry, for staying here while you all probably just want me to go away, for a being a-" I stop myself before I can say those words.

"For being a what, Nick?" She asks softly and I look up, to see what expression she holds. It's a soft, worried one.

"It doesn't matter" I lie, looking down.

"Well, if you feel sorry about it, it obviously matters something to you" she says and I feel hesitant, but also that I can trust her.

"I- I feel sorry for being a... a" she looks at me as if saying 'go on, you can do this' "I'm sorry for being a whore" I mumble.

She looks a bit surprised by my statement, but quickly composes herself.

"Why do you think you are that?" She asks softly, but her voice is a bit shaky.

"Because it's what I am" I shrug "I'm just something that people use and then throw away".

"Who were those people, Nick? I know about the geography teacher-" I interrupt her.

"Of course you know about the geography teacher, everyone fucking knows because the motherfuckers who arrested him couldn't keep their mouths quiet" I exclaim as some tears roll down my cheeks.

"Nick, it's okay, bu-" I interrupt her again, omce I start opening up, there's no going back.

"No it's not, it's not o-fucking-kay, everyone just thinks I have no fucking say in what happens to me, and yes, that's mostly true, but when he told I was becoming a whore I could have just went out that night asking for money instead of actually getting fucked" I sob, regretfull of what I didn't do when I had the chance "and now everyone that goes out at night and wants a toy tobuse for a few minutes, already knows who I am" I sob harder, it feels good to admit this, but I wish I could stop talking, she already knows too much.