Underneath the Peonies (Tom Hanson)

Epilogue: Fly Me To The Moon

My fingers found the end of her necklace that I have kept around my neck as I walked back to my car slowly.

When I got in the drivers seat, something told me to look back at the house. I slowly turned my head so I could take one last look at the vacant house, and my cheeks rose in a soft smile. Nobody is home, but the lights were on. This proved to me that she is always going to be with me, wherever I go. Forever.

Love had touched me once, and it's a feeling I'll carry for the rest of my life. As long as I'm alive, you are safe in my heart and my heart will go on. Not a day goes by where I don't miss you. You paint me mornings of gold that I will cherish for the rest of my life. But now, everyone knows that there was a woman named Vivien Hanson, and that you saved me in every way a person can be saved. Your warm smile, your radiance, your sense of humor, your striking eyes, your soft cheeks, the way your laugh wrinkles your nose, your gentle touch, and your kindness will always exist in my memory. I will never forget you, and just know that we will all join you one day. May you light our way when our time comes.

I can still feel you holding my hand. I'll never forget your last day, when I kissed your face, and whispered in your ear, "come on, baby, we are gonna fly away from here together. We will just disappear, and we can fly to the moon. We will go. Just you and me. It's okay, you can go. I'm right here. Whenever you're ready. I'll be okay. It's okay for you to let go. I love you to the moon and back, and I will spend the rest of my life loving you."

I choked on my breath at the memory, trying desperately not to cry. I had really thought that we would be blessed by some miracle and we would have the long life together that we deserved. But... what if the miracle was even getting one moment with you?

My birthday had come and gone, and my only wish was that she was there to celebrate it with me. Her birthday rolled around again, and my heart sank. I was twenty-three when she was twenty-three. Now, I'm twenty-four and she is still twenty-three. When I'm seventy-five, she will still be twenty-three. She will forever be that age. Forever young.

One day, I tossed my dirty laundry on my bed. Just as I do every laundry day, but I was in a rush so I absentmindedly gathered it all into my arms and threw it all in the washer. I went about my day, and when I put it all in the dryer I had to stop. I pulled out a fluffy dark gray blanket, and my hands began to shake. I slumped to my knees, and I clutched the blanket to my face in an attempt to find any lingering scent that would remind me of Viv. I just sat there and cried for an hour.

When night comes, it brings along the memories of getting lost in your arms. It wasn't that long ago, but it seems like an eternity. Those sweet afternoons still capture me. Maybe someday out of the blue, I will find myself on a crowded street, and I would turn and see you, as if our love were new once again.

I'm not ready to accept that she's gone. I'm not going to say goodbye yet. I'm going to imagine her out there, on the road, exploring the world. Shes driving along the interstate, her hand out the window as she happily screams along to the radio. She's eating her favorite burger at different diners in every state, trying to find the best burger in the country. She smiles at everyone she sees and they've never seen one brighter.

Before she gets on the road again, she will call me. How I would look forward to hearing her voice everyday. She'd tell me where she was, and where she plans on going. I'll tell her that I love her with every bit of my heart. And when she stops for the night, she will miss me. She will go to sleep dreaming of when we will meet again—and she's smiling.

I know in my heart she's smiling, thinking about all that she will see and when we will be together again and be held in my loving arms. I'm just not ready to say goodbye yet.

Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe.

But until then, I will be waiting for her, in a place only we know. Surrounded by calm pink seas, where imagination runs free, the warm winds blow softly, and love is all we know. Where we can fly over the rainbow, and an everlasting love is all that we can feel.

Where we can forget about the world.

Underneath the peonies.