Live again

Paralyzed

A mess laid all over my floor, Polaroid
pictures, letters that once used to bring happiness into my life. Now, it's the opposite. How can something so good, so real, be gone so soon? Once again the memories started flashing through my mind; like a video playing fast forward.
Stop, stop, stop! It's been over a year since it happened, stop thinking about it! The memories of him still haunted me. It was like I could never fully forget about him.
I look at my phone '7:15A.M.' It reads. I start to blast one of my favorite bands music so I can get my mind off of that while I get ready for school. I walk into my closet and grab some black distressed skinny jeans, a graphic tee that says "I wear band tees as a form of mating call", my favorite oversized sweater, and look over the shoes and decided on some combat boots for the day.Yup, typical outfit. I see my reflection in the mirror, brown eyes staring back at me,the bags under my eyes are even more noticeable than usual, my hair all messed up from the night before. I grab the make up bag that was placed next to the mirror and start doing my usual make up routine; some concealer on those bags, foundation, mascara, and apply some eyeliner,a little bit of bronzer to highlight my cheekbones just the way I like it, and to finish the look a little color to make my lips more darker. I combed my hair and put it up in a messy bun.
The music got lower; meaning that I had received a text

*Shawn: Chrissy, where are you?! The bus is around the corner!*

"Oh shit, not again!" I groaned, this cannot be happening! I seriously have to manage my time a little more efficiently! I run out the door, luckily the bus stop is two houses away so I didn't have to run that much. Way to get my blood pumping in the morning.

I get there just in time as Shawn greets me with a slap on the arm,"dude! What the hell was that for?!" I ask before making a face."For saving your pretty little ass from missing the bus!" He says, and gives me the "you know you love me" face. Yup, just my typical morning. I met Shawn when I moved up to California from New Jersey. I was born and raised in New Jersey up until I had passed to high school.That's when my parents decided to move to Cali and I didn't really have a say in it. On my first day of classes in a new school, I met Shawn and we clicked instantly due to the fact that we both had a passion for music, 4 years later here we are sitting together as always, being the goofy people that we are.
School was a reminder of him; the more I tried to get away from every little thing that related to him the more everything seemed to be all about him. Girls wearing his bands merchandise, fangirling over how cute they were.
I went straight to my locker and got my English literature book for my first class and let the day begin! I got to class just in time and sat in my usual spot; near the front. As I was getting my journal out I couldn't help to overhear Melissa talking about him...

"I never understood how Ashton could have dated that!" She snickered, while pointing at me. "Seriously, what did he ever see in you?!"

What's her problem? I never did anything to her! "Hey loser, I'm talking to u!"
Oh Melissa, u just messed with the wrong girl, at the wrong time,and that's when I exploded, "I suggest that you keep your mouth shut, he sure as hell never picked you so that says something. Just get over it will you?! I don't know what I ever did to u for u to dislike me this much! But I'm also not gonna let you walk all over me, so get over yourself." She's so full of herself, someone's gotta put her in her place.I wasn't afraid of her, she might be the most popular girl in the school, but that didn't matter.

"Whatever loser.." She tried playing it off as if what I told her didn't have an effect on her, mhm that's what u get!

The rest of the day went on, by the time I knew it was time to go home. I decided to not take the bus and instead started walking back home, I needed to think, all day long I've been thinking about him... Why ash, why did you have to leave and forget about us? I've been heartbroken, lost... Do you think of me? Do you miss me? All these questions still haunted me, day and night. I never really got closure, and I guess I resented him for that. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, so must of gotten a text.