I hate you goshiki.

Ch.1 ( Shirabu's P.O.V)

 I finally left elementary school and went on to junior high.I kinda lost my softness and became rude like most people. I still didn't forget Goshiki nor forgive him I actually grew a hatred for him. Luckily for me he didn't go to the same junior high probably cause he wasn't smart enough. I suffered through junior high and ended up going to Shiratorazawa. My parents forced me to join the school volleyball team since i needed social interaction after practicly isolating myself for years. A year had passed and I finally got my confidence back but it was more of well cockiness. I had grown to have a reputation as cold and sour. It was time for the first practice of my second year and the second i walked into that gym I saw the person I hoped that I would never see in my life again. Tsutomu Goshiki. The kid that traumatized to make me the monster I am. I thought i was gonna fall to the floor and have a breakdown with how fast my heart was beating. Luckily my eyes were dry and I was able to stop shaking for the most part. But that day I decided I was gonna make his life hell.

Present 

Its been a two months since the start of the school year. A lot of things have changed, my parents have been fighting a lot, my sister has gone to college and hasn't talked to me since, and I wish I was dead. And as the days past I just got colder. Goshiki was a lot softer now so it was easy to be mean but to be honest I didn't really want to be mean but I couldn't stop. One day one of my senpai's came up to me and asked me " Why are you so mean to Goshiki?" it was Ushijima. I couldn't tell him what he did. I've looked up to him ever since i met him. Hell he's the reason I wanted to go to Shiratorazawa. What if i told him and he think the same thing everyone else did. No way was i ever gonna let that happen again. So I just walked away, saying nothing.

A week later I was walking to  class when I saw Goshiki talking with some friends. He was smiling!? I felt a rush of emotions the main ones being jealousy and anger. ' Why is he still happy!?' I thought. Then another thought came. 'Why can't i be like that?' ' WHAT!? No. No way in hell will I ever be jealous of that brat.' I quickly walked away trying to forget it.

It was time for practice and we started warming up but I was pulled aside by Ushijima. " Shirabu you never told me why your so mean to Goshiki." I didn't respond so he decided to talk again. " If you don't tell me why you'll be removed from the team." He said in a very serious tone. 'Removed from the team.....' I thought ' No I can't be removed!' ' But I can't tell them what he did they'll think i'm weird and gross and treat me the same.' I didn't say anything I just walked to the locker room changed and grabbed my things and left. I could sense how shocked they were. I walked into my dorm and went straight to the bathroom and started crying. " I'm no longer apart of the team..." I said out loud. I got up and to my house cause Shiratorazawa was the last place I wanted to be . Even though I didn't necessarily want to be there either. I finally reached  my house I could hear loud voices from the outside 'our pour neighbors' I thought. I walked inside and avoided my parents. It was fairly easy since they were to busy yelling at each other. " Why can't they just get a divorce at this point." I crawled onto my bed and sat against my pillows in the middle of the bed. It was always cold in my room usually I would put a blanket over me but I just wanted to sit with the cold this time. I wanted to cry but I couldn't no tears would fall and my eyes were dry. Its like my body was stopping me. I don't know why it would do that but I felt like I was about to puke. So I got up and went into the bathroom and sat next to the toilet. I didn't throw up I just felt sick so I went to bed I didn't change or get ready I just got into my bed. I woke up the next morning still feeling sick. I walked down stairs to see my mother in the kitchen she looked angry. " Mom I don't feel to well my stomach hurts." I said quietly. " I DON'T CARE KENJIROU JUST STAY HOME I DON'T CARE." She yelled at me but she wasn't done. " YOU KNOW WHAT I DON'T CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU." " I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT YOU I WON"T GIVE A FUCK IF YOU DIE." I starred at her . I waited for a ' I don't mean that' or a ' I'm sorry' but she said nothing and just went back to what she was doing. I walked back up the stairs in total disbelief. I walked up into my room and just collapsed onto my bed but I still couldn't cry. I laid there praying