Married to the Villainous Duke

Chapter 38: Birth and Rebirth

~•~ Birth of a Villain ~•~

When both my parents died because of the plague, I was only thirteen. At that time, I felt that everything turned dark. As if I was living in a world without color. Everything was black and gray. I wanted to die, but I remembered one of my mother's teachings. She was a very religious lady; obediently following the teachings of the temple and always praying to the gods. She taught me that, no matter how difficult life may be, a human should never take away their own life because life and death is only for the gods to decide.

So I searched for a way to make use of my meager existence and the only thing that I found honorable to do was to serve the Empire. I dedicated my youth to protecting the people of my homeland. I became a knight and swore to serve the Emperor. I stayed in countless battlefields, swinging my sword at thousands of enemies, all for the glory of the Ghesquire Empire. My dark life became stained in a bloody shade of red.

Then Estelle came. She was like a warm candle. A soft golden glow bringing light into the darkness. She made me feel happy. She made me feel loved. She made my life become colorful once more.

But, I guess I chose the wrong thing to do. The people of Ghesquire, who I dedicated my youth to, who I shielded until my body became covered in scars, turned out to be the very ones who chanted for my one and only cause of joy, my beloved wife, to be burned alive in front of my eyes. They killed my Estelle. They destroyed her until all that's left of her is ash. Until all that's left of me is dark black ash.

Once again, I want to die. Without Estelle, there is no light left in this world. Only pain and darkness exist. But my mother's words still echo in my head like shackles, binding me from plunging my own sword into my heart.

The shores of my homeland slowly disappear into the horizon as now I row this small boat alone in the sea. Stripped from all my titles and wealth. Banished for trying to save my wife's life. Ghesquire threw me away like a bone after devouring my whole being. But, I've completed my resolve. They will pay for what they did. I'll make sure that the Empire will burn into ashes, just like how they burned Estelle, and the first person who must pay the debt will be Crown Prince Henrik.

~•~ Rebirth to Reality ~•~

A miracle, that's what the doctors and nurses said when I woke up from an eight week coma. Fatal injuries, including a broken rib, femur, fibula and a dozen other bones on my feet, heavy blood loss, multiple organ failure. They all thought I wasn't going to survive after getting hit by the delivery truck. The medical professionals who handled me had already told my parents that my chance of surviving was zero, but somehow I did.

My family and my two friends, Michelle and Trisha, were overjoyed. On the other hand, I felt strange. It was as if I lived an entire lifetime and got rebirthed into a new life. I guess surviving a near death experience does that to people? However, what bothered me the most was I always felt like I lost something important. I thought it could have been a side effect of the accident so I asked my doctor about it but I wasn't satisfied by his explanation.

It's been a month since I recovered and now I've returned back to my university. The accident didn't cause any long-term physical problem for me, which the doctors said is another miracle, so I can continue my journey of becoming a nurse. I'm a semester behind my two friends but the three of us still find time to hang out regularly. The feeling of losing something important still lingers deep within me, as if it were etched into my soul, but I try my best to ignore it.

"You really have to prepare for the pre-clinical exam that they give to third years. The instructors make it super hard and it's part of your final grade," Michelle tells me while we study together at a trendy café close to the university.

"You should focus on cardiovascular diseases, especially arrythmias! The exam had a lot of questions about that," Trisha adds.

Crap. Arrythmias are my weakness. I just don't know how to read ECG* results for the life of me! I thumb my ring finger even though I don't wear a ring while I continue to listen to my two friends' study tips. It's a habit that I do when I get nervous which, oddly, I've developed after the accident. We spend the next couple of hours in the café. My two friends mostly gossip while I read my textbook.

(*ECG - electrocardiogram, a test used to check the electrical activity and rhythm of the heart)

"Hey, did the N guy ever give you another letter?" Michelle suddenly asks me.

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"Oh gosh, did you forget? Tsk, that's probably a side effect of the accident," Trisha says.

"The reason why we were going to Quireghes Park that day you got into the accident was because some guy gave you a letter asking to meet you there," Michelle reminds me.

"Oh, I remember now... No, he didn't give me any other letters. That was the first and last."

"It's really too awful what happened that day! We were so close to the park but that damn driver!" Michelle shakes her fist in the air angrily.

"Good thing that driver is in prison now," Trisha adds.

"Great, you just made me super curious Michelle," I close my textbook, "I really wonder who N is and what he looks like!"

What if he could have been my long awaited male lead? I thought I was going to live out my fantasy of becoming the female lead of a romance novel....

"He mentioned in the letter that you met at the library, right? Why don't you hang around there? Maybe you'll bump into him again," Trisha says with a sly smile.

"That's a great idea, Trisha!" Michelle says, mirroring Trisha's smile.

Sometimes, I think my two friends could pass off as twins even though they look nothing alike and aren't related at all... But, their idea is pretty good. If I really want to see who N guy is, I could stay in the library and try my luck. I need to study anyway so I'm killing two birds with one stone by staying there!

A day passes and I find myself with a lot of free time to spare because my afternoon lecture got cancelled. It's the perfect opportunity to hole myself up in the library, study and, also, try to seek N guy out.

I enter the building and I'm surprised to see that the place is packed. Well, exams are coming up soon so everyone must be busy preparing. I go up to the second floor, hoping to find a seat. I spot an empty chair in the corner of the room where a guy is seated alone in a table meant for two. His back is turned to me so all I could see is his sandy brown hair.

I approach him and tap his shoulder to ask if the seat was unoccupied but I quickly retract my hand, as I feel a course of electricity as soon as I touched him.

"Ow!" I couldn't help but say as I gripped my hand. That was pretty strong for static electricity...

The guy stands up and we come face to face, "are you alri-"

He doesn't finish his sentence, seeming to recognize who I am. He stands frozen in place while I become stunned. He was beyond handsome... He was breathtaking. Time seemed to stand still as I stared at him. The feeling of loss I always felt creeped out of my chest like a dam bursting out water. What's happening to me? Why do I feel like I've finally found what I've lost?

I blinked and realized tears were flowing out of my eyes but he had already left without saying a word.