Letters Of A Stranger

Ruins

I think that somehow
I ended up breaking you
Just like he broke me
It's funny really
Remembering how beautiful it was
The crooked beauty of my bruises
My skin was littered in blues and purples
My eyes were puffy and my mouth screamed
I felt hopeless and insignificant
I feel like I'm breaking you
Just like that
I feel like my thorns will hurt you
That you will finally see
My evil
How much you will do better
Without such a bother like me around

I feel like I will destroy you
My venomous touch
Will slowly kill you
Make you devoid of emotions
I feel horrible about it
I know I shouldn't complain
When you don't spent time with me anymore
Or how you have cooler friends
I'm such a bother friend
Bothersome as always
My voice is irritating
My histories are boring
My characters lack originality
I dont know how much of me
You will endure
Until you see how boring I am
And get tired of me

I remember the first time he hit me
We were young and father was angry at you
So you got angry at me
You didn't like when father hit you
So you hit me as a way to cope with it
You've ruined me
You've broke every little thing I held dear
You made me mentally sick
My little mind cannot deal with problems
Cannot deal with anything
I want to cry my eyes out
I want to send you to jail
But... I was weak
I said I was sorry for it
And you called me an angsty teen
A dramatic little bitch
It was this day that I felt truly angry
I felt like butchering you open with a rusty knife
I felt like busting open your skull
With my bare hands
We still live together
And I still feel the need to break you
To make you suffer like you did to me
I was just a child
I didn't need to have such colors
On my skin
When I was just a child

I feel like I will always be a second option
Always the second best
You see
I'm the second child
It's on my blood to be this way
It's me place on the world
I was never truly loved like him
I was never smart enough
I was never thin enough
I will never be enough for you mother
I just wish
You held me dear to you
The way you held my abuser dear
In your heart
I want you to look at me
With the same proud eyes
You look at him
But
I will always be the second

I remember the day father gave me birds
I always been such a bird nerd
Since I was a toddler I think
Father gave me two beautiful birds
Full of life and color
Then mother gave my brother a cat
And it ate my birds
Saying how it was my fault
I never felt so fucking sad
I loved that birds more than myself
I took better care of them
Than I took care of myself
I never did anything for myself
But I would do anything for my birds
So my father gave me more birds
And my brothers cat was there
Always there
I was traumatized for years
I would hear their singing
And the flap of their wings
For years and years
I took a hatred for cats
Since this incidents