"and you hid it all behind your cute smile..?"
he hated to see her being in pain. he knew, that he has to do something to help her, so he did. but little did he know, that everytime he helped her, he was slowly breaking himself.
―
𝘽𝙊𝙊𝙆 𝙊𝙉𝙀 𝙊...
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— Jake —
My Princess, I'm so sorry that I had to end it, and leave you like this.
I didn't know, that it'll get that worse, because if it didn't, I would tell you everything in person.
Oh well, what am I even lying for? I wouldn't tell you, even if it was that bad from the beggining.
I wouldn't be able to watch how depression devours you again, and all because of me. I'm proud of what progress you've done, and I would never want to see how your smile disappears, once again.
The smile, that I really love.
I'm so disappointed in myself, and I want to scream when I think that now, you're probably not in a best condition.
I feel like an idiot, and a coward from keeping all of this away from you, until now. It's really low of me to explain, and tell you everything like this. Through a stupid message, on a chat where I always wrote you sweet 'good nights'. But you deserve to know what made me do, what I did.
So let's start from the beggining..
Since when I was little, my relationship with my father wasn't the greatest. He only saw me as an ungrateful coward, that can't do anything properly. He even told me, that I was the biggest disappointment, an the biggest mistake in his life.
Sometimes, he would come to my room, and scold me for the smallest thing I did, or even did not. But it was a time, when he only yelled at me. As time flew, and I grew up, it all progressed and worsened, turning into a brutal beatings, and violence.
I don't want to make more details, because when I think about that, a little cringe is eating me up, and I can still feel this bitter taste on my tongue.
But yeah, he was very abusive, and my mom just couldn't stop him.
I'm not sure if you've ever noticed (and I hope you haven't) those bruises and cuts, that he left all over my body. I tried to hide it as much as I could, but I wasn't that easy.
Especially not when it comes to you.
To an ordinary stranger, I would say, that my dog scratched me or I just slipped on something.
But if it comes to you, it wasn't that easy as someone could think.
His yelling didn't affect or scare me anymore, because I've gotten used to it. I didn't cry anymore or felt any emotions. I could just stare at him, blankly with a bleeding nose, and say nothing. I mean, even if I would tell him something, it wouldn't change anything.
