Tay.
Flashback 2 months ago
It's been a week since New and I crossed a line that should have been off limits, and both of us refused to contact each other after that. I personally refused to do so because of the pain that is stuck in my chest. I couldn't understand how it ended up this way. I was 100% sure he felt the same way when he kissed me that night, until he said that it was the other way around. All we did was nothing but a mistake for him.
The funny thing is, I can't stay mad at him. I am more angry at myself for letting myself fall to something I really should've been more cautious at. I expected and assumed too much that it led me to asking him for something he wouldn't be able to give, and here I am now, alone and brokenhearted.
I've been staring at New's name on my phone screen, contemplating whether to finally send him a message of apology or call him to say that verbally. I miss his voice. I miss all of him. I am not sure if I am really the one who should talk to him first, after all, in my perspective, I am the one who was abandoned and rejected. But I know that at the same time, I am also the one who couldn't actually live without him. New was like the moon that lights up my dark nights. He's already a part of me, how can I live without him?
Finally, I decided to just send him a text rather than calling him, since I am not sure if I have the courage to tell him everything verbally now. I started composing a message for him but was placed on an abrupt stop when I heard someone knocking at my door. I set aside my phone and attended to the uninvited visitor, but only to be surprised by the same man, I couldn't even get out of my mind.
He automatically fell into my arms as soon as I opened the door and got too worried when I saw how he looked. His face was pale, lips were dry, he was sweating and shivering at the same time.
"Shit. You're running a fever!"
I said before guiding him into my room. New's eyes remained closed but I can see how he was trying to open his mouth to speak, but couldn't say a word.
"I'm here now, hin. Go ahead and rest. I'll just get you a medicine"
I told him before attempting to leave, but he held my hand too tightly, preventing me from leaving.
"Stay please"
"Hin-"
"I need you. Please, stay"
He said weakly, and I understood that there was more meaning behind his message than by just staying beside him right now because of the tear that ran down from the side of his eye. I breathed deeply as I held his hand tightly.
"I won't go anywhere, hin. I'm here. I'll stay"
I said, giving him the smile of assurance. He closed his eyes and placed my hand on top of his chest, holding it tightly. I know it was another dangerous move, but all I want is to be with him for now. I'll stay as long as he wants me to.
The next day when he woke up, New poured his heart out at me. He told me what happened to his parents, and why he couldn't return my feelings for him yet. He apologized to me and asked me to stay, because like me, he couldn't afford to lose his best friend. That's when I realized that I really chose a very bad timing and promised him I'll wait and stay, without even thinking of what the future might bring.
End of flashback
I was brought back to the present when someone suddenly slammed a pile of books on my desk, making me jump in surprise. When I looked up, Off was staring at me while shaking his head.
