Avery's (terrible) Guide To Have Fun

03 : old and boring

ELLIOT JUST KNOWS HOW TO LAUGH. And it annoys the fuck out of me when she is laughing at my misery. I could imagine her sitting on her broke, hand-me-down-for-two-generations, black chair. The force of her uncontrollable laughter would make her rock the chair and let her eyes flash before her eyes. Her short hairs all over her face, phone pressed against her cheek because her earphones are way too tangled to be solved any time soon. Her dimples appeared beside her smile as her long hot pink nails scratched her cheekbones lightly. She has a birthmark just above her lips that stretches a little being even more beautiful.

Turns out that is what someone who wrote her a love letter thinks about her.

I gag on the phone, she laughs again.

"Please, I beg you to stop. Now, every time you laugh, I think about that creepy and weird letter, my fuck. What is this the eighties? Are you trying to persuade my best friend by a cheap ass love letter that sounds like a stalker wrote? Honey, no! This is the girl who breaks into her parent's wine cellar in the middle of the night just to taste every single drink there. You gotta do more than that, brother. By the way, brother as in gender-neutral."

"Fuck, Avery. This was so wild. And what there's more—"

"Do not do this to me Elliot Bridges. I will slap you through the phone, I will murder you in your toilet. When you are pooping—"

"Ew, what the fuck?"

"Shut up, it is not as weird as the letter. But imagine your gravestone. Elliot Bridges, death during pooping. Now a friendly ghost."

"Wow, classy. Avery Ramos, death due to making lame jokes. Was a hoe, who knows about the afterlife. A hoe in hell, too."

"I love you how you know me. Hoe in the womb, the hoe on earth and continuing the hoe legacy after life. The king of all hoes."

"The king of hoes and killing people in the bathroom."

"When they are pooping."

"Ew, fuck off, Avery. I am ending the call."

"You will miss my voice, and tell me the rest of it! I want to know the meme material of the week."

She sighed, "Okay, but shut up until I complete it."

"Zip shut."

"I really like the way you completely dissolve yourself into music. Your laugh in heaven, and I do not want to breathe again because you are taking it away. At first sight, I thought you were beautiful and cute. I feel like I am floating when I talk to you. I know we are just classmates, but would you like to go on a date with me?"

"Wow, that is some serious eighth grade shit right there. I am sobbing on the fact why you have not blocked this person yet."

"That person gave me a letter, Avery."

"Right. Did they sign off their name or anything? Like how are you supposed to respond to this person."

"No, nothing. It has literally nothing. No name, address."

"Woah, that person did not think this through or they thought this through really well. Hmm, what are you going to do about it?"

"Ignore it as usual. No point in finding out who there might be."

I nod, "So you mean I should track down the person. Sweet. On to the job Captain Bridges."

"And tell me about this Kamil Qureshi thing. Isn't he like your teammate? What even happened at the match?"

"Not much, actually. He might play lacrosse with me, but he thinks he owns the entire team. I admit I did not pass him the ball and we lost the match but—"