Please, Remember

Chapter 10

Kerstin Olivia;

Paano maging matapang? Sabi nila, matapang ka na kapag you overcome your fears. Kapag hinarap at nalampasan mo na lahat ng pagsubok.

As for me, I thought, I already faced them all. Akala ko, tapos na ako sa sakit. Limang taon kong binuo ulit ang sarili ko. Ngunit hindi ang puso ko. Dahil kahit kailan, hindi na mabubuo ulit 'to.

When I stepped my feet into the land of my own after 5 years, akala ko malakas na ako, na kaya ko na. Pinatatag ako ng sakit at pangungulila eh. Pero mali ako. Dahil kahit itanggi ko, mahina pa rin ako.

That night, I died for the second time around. I feel the pain again deep - deep down my broken heart.
Naranasan ko na 'yon noon pero mas masakit ngayon. I feel betrayed, but I don't have any choice but to accept the fact that I lose. Talo ako dahil una palang, sumuko na ako.

Today is the day. Today, I will face my own fear. My real fear. Fear of losing him. My great love.

Masakit, sobra. Seeing my love happy not because I am the reason. My tears fell down again, nakatayo sya sa gitna, maraming taong naka-ngiti. Bakas ang saya sa mga mukha.

I roamed around my sight, and there, I saw our friends. My best friends. Smiling, lahat sila masaya. I looked at the woman wearing her wedding gown, walking down the aisle. She's the only one person that matter at this moment.

I looked at him again, he's crying not because of pain but because of happiness. He is more handsome on his tuxedo that he is wearing. His face, there's no trace of sadness. Just happiness. I sly a small smile, I wiped my tears as I saw him looked at me. Pero hindi rin 'yon nagtagal dahil nasa harap na nya ang babaeng mahal nya.

What if I stayed? Maybe I won't lose him, physically?

What if I didn't go away? Instead, I helped him to remember everything even if he is pushing me away.

Maraming what ifs, sana at bakit. Pero kahit isa, wala na akong maisasagot at magagawa.

That day that he lost his memories, I lost him too.

I lost my saviour, my love, my man, my great love. And I lost myself too.

I lost my hopes, my future and my life. I lost everything. Tanging mga pangako at mga alaala lang ang nanatili.

Sana ako 'yon, dahil ako ang kasama nyang bumuo ng mga plano. Bumuo ng mga pangako. Bumuo ng mga alaalang ako nalang ang makakaalaala.

Sana ako 'yong katabi nya ngayon. Sa akin nya sana binibigkas lahat ng mga pangako. Pero may mga pangako rin sya sa'kin. Mga pangakong hindi na matutupad.

Sana ako 'yong kasama nyang bumuo ng pamilya, pamilyang minsan na sabay naming pinlano.

My heart breaks into trillion pieces, my chest tightened. Tears can't stop falling and a silent sobs escape from my mouth when I saw them shares their first kiss as a husband and wife.

Right now, at this moment, I lost him, again. Masakit mawalan, at masakit mawalan ngunit mahirap kalimutan.

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