Three weeks.
That's how long we took a break for after the bus fiasco, but did we really take a break?
We still did everything together. We just never kissed each other and pretended that not being intimate would solve our problems.
It didn't.
And after only a week of being back together after our "break," I could see that everything was going back to normal. The horrible, horrible normal.
——
"Are you gonna talk to me today?" They asked as I sat down at my desk across from theirs.
"Can we please not do this for once?"
"Why won't you talk to me?"
"I'm talking to you right now, aren't I?" I snapped, exasperated. "I just need some space. Please leave me alone."
——
"What did I do wrong?" They suddenly blurted out.
I rolled my eyes and closed my book, looking down the aisle of bookshelves at where they sat a few feet away from me on the library floor.
"You didn't do anything. I'm just stressed out and I need some space."
"I gave you space yesterday."
"Well you see, the thing about giving me space means you're not following me around bugging me wherever I go," I said, standing up, throwing my bag over my shoulder, and leaving the library.
——
I sat in our school lobby with my friend, MK.
"They just won't leave me alone and it's so annoying. I honestly don't know why I stay with them. I feel like I'm using them for something, but I don't know what that something is."
"Well don't do that," MK told me. "Don't stay with them if you don't actually love them."
"I do love them though. At least, I think I do."
——
I sat on the cafeteria table, surrounded by my teammates, waiting for the basketball team to clear the gym so that we could get started with our indoor color guard season.
We were all laughing and talking. I hadn't felt that happy in a long time.
Unfortunately it all came to an end when my partner walked in.
As the gym became available to us, everyone began grabbing their things and heading towards the doors, but they came straight over and stood right in front of me.
"My therapist says that you're bullying me. You've been treating me badly and you know that no matter what you do, I'll always come running back to you and that's bullying."
I stared blankly at them. Bullying? I didn't want to be a bully. And they'd come running back to me? What did they not get about the fact that I didn't want them around me?
I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
"Ok, we're breaking up."
They did a double take.
"No!"
"Yeah, we are," I shrugged before picking up my water bottle and walking away.
——
I always walked through the hallways of my school like someone with road rage in rush hour traffic, and that's exactly what I was doing on the morning of December 11th, four days before my eighteenth birthday, when I heard someone yell my name.
I stopped and turned around to see my ex running towards me.
"Why did you tell your friends that we broke up?"
"Um... cus we did."
"You weren't being serious. You were just mad."
"No, I was pretty serious," I declared before turning away and heading to class.
YOU ARE READING
Look What You Made Me Do
Non-Fiction"Don't tell anybody about this." "If you just ignore it, it'll stop." "There's nothing I can do to help you." And so I did everything I was told. I shut up. I put on a brave face. I followed all the rules. But that was the past and it's not who I am...
