Shortly before the world went to shit, my color guard hosted a non competition show where our middle school, JV, and varsity guards performed.
I was stretching and mentally preparing myself for my performance when I noticed my ex's mom walk in the gym. The last time I saw her was the morning I received my cease and desist. As she headed towards the bleachers, I avoided eye contact, assuming she probably thought I was abusive and hated me.
Later on, I was still a bit shaky after a mid-performance pulmonary episode, (a story for another time) when I found myself wandering over to where MC stood.
"I want to say something to her," I said quietly, sucking in a deep breath.
"Who?" MC replied.
I nodded towards my ex's mom, standing alone across the gym from us. I couldn't keep my mind off of her in the audience during the entire show.
"I want to say something, but I don't know what to say. Do I say I'm sorry? I don't even know what I'm sorry for. I didn't do anything. I have to say something though because she's my other mom and I love her and I know she's probably mad at me right now, but I don't want her to be."
"Hey," MC cut me off before I could spiral further. Her eyes were full of concern. "Just tell her you love her."
I hesitated for a moment before responding.
"O-ok... but can you come with me?"
She nodded and followed as I headed in the direction of W's mom.
MC stood off to the side and let me approach her on my own. As I did, she turned to look at me.
"I- I love you," I said quietly, a whimper in my voice.
"Lizzie," she pulled me into a hug. "I love you too."
At that, I broke and tears began spilling from my eyes.
"I don't blame you for anything," she continued, "and no matter what I will still love you. I'm here for you if you ever need me."
"Thank you. I love you so much," I cried harder, feeling the tears covering my face begin to wet her shoulder.
As she let go of me, my ex's brother, J, spoke up.
"Hey, I don't know what happened between you and W, and I don't really care, but you'll always be my sister," he told me, also pulling me into a hug. "I love you."
"I love you too," I cried.
And an hour later, surrounded by my friends at a local diner, there were still tears in my eyes as I told them everything that had happened.
YOU ARE READING
Look What You Made Me Do
Non-Fiction"Don't tell anybody about this." "If you just ignore it, it'll stop." "There's nothing I can do to help you." And so I did everything I was told. I shut up. I put on a brave face. I followed all the rules. But that was the past and it's not who I am...
