Remember me...

25. I regret loving you...

Zhan saw Yibo's cold eyes trained on him, confusion and a thousand questions brimming in them but Zhan was done. All these years, Zhan had often wondered why Yibo had let him go but knowing that this was the reason, Zhan was disgusted. Utterly disgusted. "Let go, Yibo. What's the point of doing this anymore? Just let me go and I will forget whatever this was. You can go be with your family, marry Yifei and tell your cousin that he was right. Tell them that I was a fucking gigolo who was only after your money and I fucked your cousin because he was my next target. Just go, Yibo." Tears fell down Zhan's cheeks and he closed his eyes because he didn't want to see Yibo anymore. Never in all these years Zhan had ever thought that Yibo was so fickle. The man Zhan had admired and loved above all was just a liar and he had never trusted Zhan in the first place. The grip on his hands tightened to the brink of causing pain and Zhan bit his lips to stop a pained cry from leaving him. He wasn't going to give Yibo anything anymore. He had given everything he had but now he knew Yibo was right, Yibo didn't deserve it.

"Just tell me what happened, Zhan. Please. I really don't remember. When did you say that? I...I really can't remember", Yibo growled desperately and Zhan stared at Yibo taking in the man's perplexed features and frustration etched on that beautiful face.  Was he really saying the truth? Didn't Yibo remember it? "Please, Zhan. I swear on my life I don't know what you are talking about.  I really don't remember." The hold on Zhan loosened and Zhan saw Yibo crouching down on the floor, his head buried in his hands. Zhan wanted to comfort Yibo but couldn't bring himself to. No. He was too angry. Too heartbroken. It was only when Yibo started to smack his head really hard that Zhan came out of his daze and seeing Yibo screaming in distress alarmed Xiao Zhan. "I can't fucking remember!!!!", Yibo yelled pulling at his hair and Zhan immediately went to Yibo's side. "Yibo, Stop!!!! YIBO!!!" Zhan pulled at Yibo's hands and when he saw the bandages get soaked in blood and Yibo crying, something clicked. "You really don't remember", Zhan concluded seeing Yibo's condition and Yibo collapsed on his knees, hard. "I don't remember. Why can't I remember? Why?" Zhan roamed his eyes over Yibo and turned Yibo to himself, staring in his eyes.

"You remember us walking on the beach?", he asked and Yibo nodded sharply. "Movie night at Yubin's house? His nephew Yuan peed on you", Zhan asked and this time even after a few moments of trying to remember, Yibo shook his head. "Do you remember your uncle finding us in your room?" Again Yibo nodded his head in a yes. "What about my birthday. Do you remember what happened?", Zhan asked and Yibo looked at the ground ashamed. "I didn't show up. I was with Yifei that night." "The wooden figurines in your living room. Do you remember who bought them?", Zhan asked and Yibo wiped his face. "I assumed it must have been you. That's why I didn't throw it away. But, I don't remember when you bought it." "And you don't remember me coming to you and telling you what Shu Wei did." Zhan said softly and Yibo grabbed his hands. "Zhan, I swear I don't. I...I thought it was all coming back." Zhan looked at Yibo and pinched the bridge of his nose to clear his mind. "It means there are still things you don't remember. Maybe you should pay a visit to your doctor", Zhan said woodenly and tried to stand up but Yibo refused to let him go. "You don't believe me", Yibo said softly and Zhan's heart ached at how small Yibo's voice sounded. "You have spent an entire month lying to me, Wang Yibo and now you have accused me of cheating on you. What do you expect?", Zhan removed his hands from Yibo's and got up to leave only to stop at Yibo's words. "You think I will let you leave?" The words were said with such menace Zhan's heart jumped. "You think after getting you back I will let you leave? You think after remembering how much I loved you and how much you loved me back, I will let you take a step away from me?", Zhan turned around and saw Yibo getting up, a dark expression on his face. Zhan had no idea why but he backed up as Yibo approached. Zhan knew Yibo would never lay a hand on him but the dark look on Yibo's face scared Zhan.

"What are you doing?", he said backing up and Yibo grabbed him, plastering Zhan's front to his chest. "I am taking what's mine. You are mine, Xiao Zhan. I don't care what happened but you belong with me just as I belong with you." "You think after whatever you did you deserve a chance with me?", Zhan asked trying to free himself but found Yibo getting closer and closer. "I told you before, baobei. I will beg and grovel at your feet for your forgiveness but I won't let you leave." "I regret coming back. I regret helping you. I regret loving you, Wang Yibo." Zhan said with tears in his eyes as he struggled in Yibo's grip but Yibo wasn't going to let Zhan go. "I know you hate me. You should. For what I did, you should have left me to die alone but you didn't because you love me as much as I love you, Zhan. I love you, Zhan. I love you with every fibre in my being and I promise you I am going to rip Shu Wei apart by my bare hands. I will kill him, come back and spend the next sixty years of my life with you paying for my sins. I hate myself more than you ever will. Please just tell me what happened. Just once, Baobei. Please." Yibo's heart fluttered when Zhan relaxed a fraction in his grip and Yibo pulled Zhan to the couch, kneeling at his feet like he had done in Zhan's house. "Please, Xiao Zhan. Please." He begged again and let Zhan let out a deep sigh.

"The day I found about your engagement, Kuan-ge was out of town. He was on a business trip and I guess he asked Shu Wei to talk to me. I...I wasn't doing well. You weren't picking my calls and Kuan-ge had told me to never go to Wang Mansion. I knew your uncle didn't like me and things would only get worse if I showed up at your house. I was drinking that night. Yubin had a late shift and I was alone. Shu Wei came by to talk to me and was saying all the right things. Said that you loved me and were trying your best to convince your uncle. I...I didn't realise his intentions. I was crying and he pulled me in for a hug and that's when he started...touching me. I tried to fight and he slapped me hard across the face calling me names. He said that your engagement date had been decided and I was just a toy you were playing with. He kept taunting me. I tried my best to fight him and before he...he could do anything else, Yubin and Zhuocheng came to the house. He threatened me to keep my mouth shut because no one would believe me. I didn't say anything to Yubin and A-Cheng because I was too shaken up. The next day when you came, I told you everything." Zhan tried to keep his voice as even as possible but he still shivered at the memory. The feel of Shu Wei's hands on him and the things he had said, Zhan still remembered everything as if eit had happened yesterday. He looked over to Yibo and saw a very calm Yibo, listening intently to everything he said with a blank look on his face.

"Do you believe me?" Zhan had no idea why he asked. After everything that had happened, Zhan should have known what to expect but there was still a part of him that hoped Yibo believed him. When Zhan had told Yibo about Shu Wei three years ago, Yibo had told Zhan that Shu Wei would suffer for what he had done. Zhan had been afraid that Yibo would take Shu Wei's side and defend his cousin but Yibo had believed him. Had made Zhan believe that he never doubted Zhan even for a second. Zhan had been in Yibo's arms and Yibo had apologized to him for leaving him alone, had promised him that he would make Shu Wei pay. Zhan had no idea why he was hoping for Yibo to say the same hollow words to him. Even if they were a lie, Zhan wanted to hear them just once. "It's fine if you don't believe me", said Zhan in a dejected tone, knowing he had finally lost the one thing he had loved the most. No matter what Yibo said, it was the truth that Yibo had believed Shu Wei and had broken up with Zhan. Zhan had always thought that Yibo had loved him truly but now, Zhan knew it was all a lie. At the end, everyone who was against them had won and unfortunately, it was because Yibo had lost faith in Zhan. That was what hurt Zhan the most. Yibo's faith in Zhan had been so fragile that a single lie had shattered everything. But at least Zhan knew now that it hadn't been his fault. At least not completely. He got up from the chair and walked to Yibo's door and his hand hovered over the doorknob when Yibo finally spoke.

"I promised you I would make him pay but I failed, Zhan", came Yibo's voice behind him and Zhan closed his eyes for a moment as a tear escaped his eye. "I won't make those empty promises anymore." Hands came around Zhan's waist and Zhan breathed out on a harsh exhale. "I believed you then and I believe you now, baobei. I don't know why Shu Wei is still breathing after what he did but he won't be for long. Everyone who has tried to keep me away from you will pay. I know apologising will never be enough but I am so fucking sorry, Xiao Zhan. I am sorry that I left you all alone. I am sorry that I didn't protect you as I should have. I am sorry I let them come between us. I am sorry that I forgot you but I am not sorry for begging you to give another chance. I have hurt you more than anyone else in this world but no one will love you as much as I love you. I love you, Zhan. With everything in me. I can't give you all the answers right now but I can assure you that never for a single second did I want to leave you. I breathe for you, Zhan." Zhan was turned in Yibo's embrace and a kiss was dropped on his head softly. "I know you hate me. I can live with that as long as you say that a small part of you still loves me. I will keep fighting for us, Zhan. Even when the world is against us I will fight for your love and I will win. Every single time."