I felt the tears start over again as I lit my second cigarette. I never smoked twice in one day, but today my emotion were fucking uncontrollable and I needed to calm down.
"They don't deserve me," I whispered as I blew out a puff of smoke into the slightly foggy air.
"Lina?" a voice whispers softly.
I'm startled as I see Ashton walk closer to me, a frown set on his face. He stared at the cigarette in my hand and reached for it, throwing it on the ground and stomping on it. I frowned.
"I didn't know you smoked," he said. "Why?"
"Because it calms me down," I say. "Are you mad?"
"Yes," he tells me honestly, "because smoking can kill you. I know you must have heard this a dozen times, but please listen to me: my grandfather, who was the closest person I had to a family, smoked and it killed him, leaving me sad and broken. Lina, if you end like him, you're going to make me feel like that again."
I sighed. "But... it's the only way I can calm down... unless..."
"Unless..."
"Unless I'm in your arms," I admitted. "You're my first best friend and it hurts seeing people talk shit about you because you're associate with me everyday and-"
"I thought we've been over this," he sighs. "I don't give a damn what those pathetic assholes says. And neither does Luke, Michael, and Calum. We all want to be your friend, especially me."
He hugs me, and warmth shoots through my body and an overwhelming sensation takes control of my stomach again.
"I want to be your friend too," I said. "But just so you know, my emotions can get out of order... as you can tell."
He laughed a little. "Well, whenever your emotions start getting out of control, just come to me instead of smoking. I'll give you a hug for as long as you want it to last."
"Well, you do have much better hugs than cigarettes..." I chuckle. "But it's going to be hard... I've been smoking for quite awhile..."
"And I'll help," Ashton smoked. "Give me your pack."
I complied and handed it to him, watching as he threw it onto the ground and began stomping and kicking at it, as if it had become Mark. Once it was all crumpled up and fully destroyed, he kicked it aside and turned to me.
"Ready to go back inside?" Ashton asked.
"Yeah," I said, and followed him toward the door.
Before he could open it, I stopped him. "Wait."
"Yes?"
"Just so you know, I'm not quitting smoking because it's bad for me," I said, biting my lip. "I'm quitting smoking for you."
Ashton smiled at me. "Well then, it's my honor."
We walked back into the cafeteria, gaining more stares than I had intended, and sat at the table.
"Are you okay, Lina?" Michael asked, concern filling his green eyes. Ashton was holding my hand.
"Yes, thank you," I answered politely. "I'm sorry about freaking out earlier. It's a... bad habit of mine. I overthink."
"Well, you don't need to overthink when you're with us," Calum reassured, smiling at us.
Luke snorted at him. "That's because you underthink like, 24/7."
"Are you calling me stupid?" Calum asked, offended.
"No, you're just shit at making decisions most of the time," Luke laughed. "Remember when-"
